My keen interest in online security and privacy has recently blossomed into a full on obsession. Some may say it’s because I’m eccentric and weird, but it’s at least partly because of the crazy new laws going down in this country. There is an excellent chance that all of your e-mails and IM conversations are at the very least being analyzed and logged. I doubt anyone actually reads them, but you never know.

The common argument against online privacy measures is “if you have nothing to hide, why do you care?”. True, I’m not some criminal mastermind, but it’s not unreasonable for people to think that I am. Many people in real life think that I’m a drug dealer for some reason. The forums that I visit to read about privacy concerns are often hot beds for credit card scammers. I think credit card scamming is retarded and would never do it, but I’d hate to be accused of being guilty by association.

There are also a lot of people sniffing traffic. The average internet user doesn’t realize that it’s not particularly difficult to intercept traffic on the internet - especially if you’re using a wireless or shared connection. Encrypted communication can be intercepted, but not decoded - making it useless.

E-mail

No one seems too concerned with encrypting e-mail. This is probably the result of everyone using web clients. I don’t understand why everyone is so obsessed with gmail, yahoo mail, etc. but that’s another post.

PGP stands for Pretty Good Privacy. If you want info on it, look it up elsewhere. Basically it’s very easy cryptography to use, and very difficult to break. There are several ways to use it to encrypt your e-mail.

The easiest and best way is to use The Bat!. This e-mail client is leagues better than Outlook, Outlook Express, and Thunderbird. It’s super configurable, very compact and nice looking, and isn’t a memory hog. It has all the features you know and love, and even has plugins for many different anti spam and anti virus methods. Best of all, it has built in PGP. Going through the process takes 5 minutes at most, and you can now send encrypted messages to anyone using PGP.

Thunderbird has a great plugin called Enigmail. It’s free, easy to install, and integrates into Thunderbird perfectly. This is what I used until I switched to The Bat!.

There are also some PGP plugins for Outlook and Outlook Express. I don’t use these programs, so I have no idea which plugins are the best.

The cool thing about PGP e-mail is that you don’t have to worry about the other person using the same e-mail program as you. That is… unless they use Freenigma.

Freenigma is the only option for gmail, which is good for you if you use gmail and all of your friends do too. It’s super easy to set up, but it’s not interoperable with other PGP services.

Instant Messaging

Instant messaging used to be hard to encrypt. Every client used a different protocol, and none of them worked together. Trillian has a decent built in one. It’s very easy to use, but apparently also fairly easy to crack. Still - just having one layer of defense is a huge step up from nothing.

But now there is an awesome product that works with every popular client and protocol. I like using trillian, but I can still encrypt chats with friends using AIM or that stupid google chat thing.

Installing SimpLite is really easy. It’s free, and it even changes the text color of your friends messages to reflect whether or not the conversation is encrypted. The program runs in your tray and is very non-intrusive.

Encrypting Files

Even if you’re the only person who uses your computer and you trust everyone else, you should encrypt personal files. If your computer gets stolen, do you really want a potential hacker to have all the time in the world to search through your files?

Your first line of defense can be SecurStar DriveCrypt Plus. This program encrypts your whole hard drive in real time. That means that even if someone takes your hard drive out of the computer and puts it in their computer, they can’t read a single thing off of it. If your computer is on, however, your files can still be read like normal.

You can also make container files that basically act as encrypted directories. They’re useful for storing sensitive files so that people can’t get at them even if they have full access to your computer while it’s on. The best program to do that with is SecurStar DriveCrypt. There is a free alternative called TrueCrypt, but it has a major security flaw that lets anyone who knows what they’re doing get into your files.

Anonymous Surfing

Want to buy a sex toy, but don’t necessarily want people seeing it your history? Want to look up some embarassing medical condition you have but don’t want it in your google search history? Or maybe you just want to leave a nice anonymous comment on someone’s blog and don’t want them to be able to figure out that it came from your city.

Enter Torpark. Torpark is a self contained copy of firefox with a built in anonymous proxy router. Have you ever seen those movies where someone is “bouncing their signal” all over the globe, and there are cool red lines showing where it’s going? That’s basically what this is. It routes your traffic through a number of anonymous proxy servers all over the world, making it impossible to find out who is visiting the site.

One little trick I like is to put your copy of Torpark inside a Drivecrypt file container. Torpark is a portable app, meaning it doesn’t need to be installed - you just copy it and go. When you put it in the Drivecrypt container, you can safely browse knowing that no one will ever see your history or know where your traffic is coming from.

Just do it

There are many more complicated ways to secure your personal information, but they aren’t better. The methods I’ve outlined represent the best technology with the easiest implementation. You could probably set up everything I mentioned here in about 45 minutes. Maybe all of it is pointless and you’ll never need this level of security, but it’s so transparent that you may as well have the safety net.

I’m awful at expressing it (an opinion frequently voiced by the ladies who have spent any amount of time in my life), but I’m a very grateful person. I feel like most of my happiness and success comes from my friends, family, acquaintances, and even the random strangers who I meet on the street or who IM me. So now, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I’m going to thank every single person I can think of. I hesitate to do this because I can be forgetful and I may accidentally leave out someone important. If I have done that, please don’t be offended. Let me know and I will add you.

Thank you to…

Adam Hammonds for helping me start my gambling empire and for trying the H Fund (oops…).

All my maternal cousins for being so cute and entertaining.

All my paternal cousins for the great summers in Vermont.

Allison for being my first real girlfriend, and probably my most drama-free relationship ever.

Andra for letting me know I could attract the most beautiful models in the world.

Andrew for really brilliant insights, hard work at gambling, and all the fun cooking.

Andy for getting me those tickets.

Anissa for the Smiley Ball wars and for making the office more fun.

Anne for helping make “dumples” and for paying up when you lost the bet.

Anonymous for always trusting me and the Bermuda trip.

Aunt Gwen for cooking us food and staying with us at camp.

Aunt Judy for letting us visit with the school bus and for feeding us.

Aunt Lisa for being the bigger person and apologizing when we had a fight, and for being a perfect host when I came to visit
unexpectedly.

Aunt Nancy for knowing what she likes to do, and doing it all the time.

Aunt Stephanie for always planning fun things to do when we were younger and taking us places.

Austin for coming up with crazy adventures, encouraging mine, and never being afraid to go first.

Beau (ten deuce) for being the original roommate at the office and keeping it gangsta.

Becky for giving me half price Salmon.

Ben King for interesting conversations and fond memories of high school.

Ben M. for teaching me to be a graffiti artist for a month, and for hiding in Lindsay’s car with me.

Bianca for being one of the first Tynan’s Angels and for always having interesting boy stories.

Bing for getting me into Private.

Brian for trying to get me into Iraq.

Bryan for putting up with the office antics with a sense of humor.

Casa de Luz for making being vegan practical, delicious, and convenient.

Chad Bruns for showing me around in Tokyo and for listening to my health advice.

Charles for risking life and limb changing my light switches.

Charlie for teaching me Chinese and taking me to Taiwan with your family.

Cheeze Cracka for inspiring me to rap.

Clifton for being the coolest security guard ever.

Courtney for being an awesome Tynan’s Angel and for the hilarious stories every time I see you.

Craig for always being fun to go out with and for getting me into DYD.

Cristina for being a fantastic Tynan’s Angel and for singing karaoke with me even though you didn’t know the words.

Crystal for introducing me to the wonderful world of cruising, and making me the coolest guy on the ship.

Dad for being a fantastic father and for always helping me when I need it, showing more interest and thoughtfulness on my projects
than I do myself.

Dan Schleuter for the amazing recordings, Flying the V, being part of HC5 and the other awesome memories of Dobie. I miss you.

Dana for always making me look forward to going to the Standard and buying me pez.

Danielle for being unwaveringly supportive, sweet, and complimentary.

Devon for being a great brother, for giving me great funny phrases, and for making me feel like I’m cool.

Doug for always helping with my bizarre endeavors and for giving me someone to skate with.

Dylan for introducing me to Tony Hawk, and for always having interesting things to do.

DZK for making me realize that being the best isn’t the same as being the most successful, and for the awesome music and advice.

Ed for taking a huge risk for me.

Elisia for restoring my faith in women and introducing me to raw food.

Erik Archbold for interesting conversations and the 2005 Badminton Championship.

Evan for the best vegan cooking this side of the mississip’ and for being sweet and caring.

FAT for agreeing to ghostwrite my album.

Formhandle (Jay) for creating fastseduction.com, thus launching me into a much more fulfilling life.

Gabriel for driving all the way back to work just to let me into my place when I locked myself out.

Geoff for a blast in Vegas with Protocol (Randy).

Grammy for teaching me cribbage.

Grampy, my grandfather, for telling me “You know, you need to be able to talk about more than just computers.” And thus possibly
saving me from a lifetime of being a huge nerd.

Grandma for being sweet even when I was young and bratty.

Grandpa for letting us steal change out of your pocket.

Hawt, bigsend, Motown, ebony, David, Ryan, Wolfy, Aimee, Phimix, bender, Isarian, and everyone else who reads and comments on
my site.

Hayden for being responsible for some of the best decisions I’ve made in my life, and for always being supportive.

Herb for giving me advice on things no one else knows about, and for treating me as an adult before I was one.

Hootbear (Jennifer) for killing a chicken before eating them.

Jake for being my friend after the Crystal disaster and for making us do the whole cave.

Jay-Z for the best rap ever.

Jenny for always baking delicious pies.

Jeremy for letting me host karaoke at firehouse.

Jessica for kissing me when it was the most awkward, and for having a totally non awkward friendship afterwards.

Jessica G. for terrorizing Matt.

Jlaix for taking me to gay karaoke and for the suffix “of desire”.

Jodi for making my T Bag and for fixing my car.

Jonah for the great times traveling, the intense challenges, and for watching the same shows I watch.

Josh for the opportunity, even if I didn’t take it.

Julie for being lovely and for unintentionally inspiring me to do a lot.

Karen for putting up with me and for offering to let me rob your bank.

Katie Carlson for putting Mystery and I up in Chicago and for the bizarre stock market story.

Katya for trying so hard and for being so loving and sweet.

Keely for being my first crush.

Kelsey for being the best sister imaginable and for demonstrating that your generation isn’t totally dominated by pop culture and
peer pressure.

Kerry Beckett for being an awesome friend, personal assistant, and for being such a good sport about RD.

Kirk and Vincent for throwing the best parties ever.

Kristen for checking a few things off my “must do before I die list” (no… not like that…) and for drawing my awesome cartoon.

Kurtist for coming out to Karaoke.

Lance Mason for making Project San Francisco great and for hosting me there.

Liz for taking me to Schlitterbahn after it was closed and for giving me my first Jay Z album.

Luke for introducing me to Steve and for hosting me at PSF.

Magnus for always being cheerful and for teaching me tapping.

Mahnu for introducing me to the world of luxury.

Manish for helping me become polyphasic and for hypnotizing me.

Manny for creating the first group of pickup artists I met.

Marine for remembering me after a year. I still remember you!

Marvi for hosting me in Montreal and trying to pick up my cousin.

Mary for bribing me to be social.

Masud for being the best waiter ever.

Matt Kaspar for being a driving force behind the road trips, and for Mattstock.

Milo for showing me that direct method works, and for all the funny emails.

Mom for giving me the most amazing childhood and for loving me and accepting me even though I basically do everything you wish I
wouldn’t.

Mrs. Shapiro for giving me a calligraphy pen when I was 4.

Mum, my grandmother, for serving as a living testament to the benefit of keeping an active mind and a healthy lifestyle, and for
being more interested in hearing my stories than anyone else.

Mystery for teaching me so much and for changing my life.

Nana, my grandmother, for managing my cousins and I during our eagerly anticipated annual visits to Vermont. I’m positive that
those summers benefited me in more ways than I can count.

Neetu for always being so cheerful and for being polyphasic with me.

Neil for making me an F-list celebrity by writing about our life, and for all of the adventures in LA.

Nick Hance for being crazy and for helping me so much at gambling.

Nicole Cass for the help in LA.

Orac for a lot of happy memories back at the Dobie and for taking me shooting.

Papa (Nick Kho) for creating Project Hollywood.

Papa, my grandfather, for showing me how love for your family and perseverance in business will lead to an unreasonably happy life.

Penny for being a great real estate agent.

Phil Gilbert for amazing lake trips, for going to see Jay-Z with me, and our other countless adventures.

Playboy (Stephen) for letting me use your room while you were gone.

R.C. for being the first celebrity I was friends with and for teaching me about that world.

Rick H. for hosting Mystery and I in Vegas and for the advice.

Roadkill (Steve) for making me feel at home in LA with Salt Lick and Sopranos and for coming with me to the house meeting.

Robert Hemphill for being a great landlord.

Robin for all the healthy food.

Ross Jeffries for inviting us to your seminars and being friendly even when we were competing.

Ryan Buchanan for being my best friend in middle school.

Ryan H. for affording me the luxury of not really working for a year.

Seth for giving me one of my first computers and being my best friend in Kindergarten.

Sickboy (Mike) for being so cool to me even though I was a newbie, and for letting me in the fold.

Sima for being so easy to hang out with and for many long conversations.

Steve for being a great boss and for giving some of the best advice I’ve received.

Steve Pavlina for inspiring me to become polyphasic.

Sumaya for helping Dina and I and for being a good friend in College.

Tarynn for the red hat and for cleaning up for me.

Taylor for being a great brother and for showing me how good hearted someone can be.

Terry for singing karaoke with me when no one would, and for the adventures at Dobie.

The pickup artists whose names I’ve forgotton who make me feel important.

TheOne for his TD and Mystery impressions.

Thundercat for great advice on marketing and for sensationalizing my life.

Tim for giving me a chance to move up in the gambling world.

Todd for always being up for adventures and for always being honest.

Todd for trying to teach me chess and for not being too proud to drive thelimo.

Travis for taking me up in the Cherry Picker and not killing me.

Twitch for being a great host in San Antonio and for some of the most fun (if not successful) pickup.

Tyler (Owen) for teaching me so much about pickup, working out, and life, and for telling me what no one else would.

Uncle Jim for giving us a ride in the Porsche and taking us out in the boat.

Uncle John for playing chess with me and for smart advice.

Uncle Johnny for spoiling us and for always being willing to help. I miss you.

Uncle Peter and Aunt Janet for letting us ride horses and wander around the farm.

Uncle Steve for making me think about the virtue of selflessness, unintentional as it may be.

Vlad for being a really cool kid and helping me.

I could write a whole entry about most of these people, but I limited myself to one or two things. Thanks everyone!

I love failure. When it occurs, I’m pretty indifferent to it, but as a concept I love it. Failure lets you know that you’re doing something wrong. It shines a light on a personality trait that needs to be fixed – one that probably would go unchanged if it weren’t for failure.

People who fail and get angry are missing the point. Failure is opportunity. It’s like getting angry that your car tells you you’re low on gas. The indicator light isn’t the problem – the level of fuel is. Further, hiding the failure doesn’t solve the underlying problem. Disconnecting the indicator light won’t fill up your gas tank, but filling up your gas tank will turn off the light.

During my tenure as a pickup artist, I never took failure personally. It never mattered to me. Each time I failed, I felt as though the girl had revealed a secret to me. No attractive girl is chaste her whole life, no girl is a bitch to every guy. If she didn’t want me to call her, that meant that there was something unattractive about me that I had to change. Compliments and success stroke my ego, but honest critical feedback leaves me thinking for months.
I have failed financially so far. It’s not that I’m poor, or anywhere close to it. I’m sure my income, net worth, or lifestyle are impressive or even enviable to a lot of people. I’m so immeasurably grateful for everything I have that I feel a tinge of guilt on a daily basis for not spending the entire day thanking everyone who has made my life so great. However, despite whatever success I have, I am not where I want to be. I will be a billionaire, I will own my own submarine and airplane, and I will spend the majority of my life traveling and seeking adventure. I’m not nearly as close as I should be to these goals, and I’m not exactly on the express train there.

Why?

It was hard for me to put my finger on why. I’m smarter than a lot of people who have hundreds of million of dollars. I have more discipline than anyone I know. I embrace risk, but have a background which has given me the knowledge to evaluate every risk and make the right decision most of the time. I have good connections and a handful of people who would invest in projects I do. I’m surrounded by smart people who give me good advice and would love to work with me. I even have a blog where people take interest in my life and offer me their thoughts. I understand people. I’m good at a lot of different things from rapping to building web sites. Is there a critical element I’m missing?

There is.

On Thursday I was sitting at the office about to redesign another web page. Steve, my boss and friend, came into the office and we started chatting about the Jay-Z concert. That evolved into me talking about wanting to be a rapper. He asked if that’s really what I wanted to do.

“I don’t really know. It seems fun.”

He thought for a moment. I have a lot in common with Steve, so it’s easy to relate to him. Though not identical, we share a lot of the same entrepreneurial ideals and financial philosophies. We even both put all of our money into Berkshire Hathaway. The big difference is that he is very significantly more financially successful than I am.

“It seems like you want to do a lot of different things, but that you aren’t really passionate about any of them.”

It’s true, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t know that I’ve ever read or heard of a success story where the protagonist wasn’t passionate about what he did. I like rap, Tynan’s Angels, this site, my diet book, work at Smiley Media, and whatever other projects I may be involved in at any given time, but none of them are my passion.
He told me about how he became successful and how he was similar but he forced himself to get passionate over one project just by realizing that his attention was too quickly diverted. He told me that he made it his mission to make Smiley Media successful, and that he decided that he wouldn’t quit until it was.

“Did it ever look really bad? Bad enough that you wanted to give up and do something else?”

“Many times.”

It gave me a lot to think about. We started talking about my different projects and interest, trying to find passion in one of them. It wasn’t anywhere to be found. The only thing I’m really passionate about is living life to the fullest, but that’s a selfish ideal that doesn’t lend itself well to starting a business.

He finally concluded that I should focus on becoming the most famous pickup artist in the world. It’s a good idea, but I just don’t enjoy pickup enough to do that. I think I enjoy the notoriety of being a famous pickup artist a lot more than I actually enjoy the act.

He left after we talked for over an hour. I intended to keep working, but it seemed like a trivial task given then weight the conversation had on me. Instead I sat in my chair for two hours staring at the wall thinking. I skated home and continued the thought .

I talked to Evan on the phone, and she didn’t take the conversation quite as seriously as I had, but she agreed. One interesting thing she pointed out was that when I really am passionate about something, it happens. It’s true – how unlikely is it that I would get to live with the best pickup artists in the world and learn from them? I remember telling a friend the first day I got involved in pickup that I would “take it over”. One day I looked up at a building and thought that living there would be the best thing ever – now a year later I live in the best condo in the building. Even my car was a car that I used to dream of having. All of these things happened in roundabout ways that I would have never expected, but they ended up happening.

After a lot of thought, I came to the semi-satisfying conclusion that I don’t know what I want to do, but that I am ready to do it. I have spent years building myself into the kind of person who can do anything. I can adapt in a day to become anything I want (vegan, a neat person, etc.). I have the confidence to think huge and to know that I will achieve what I want. I’m starting to get rid of distractions (this blog stays, but that book I was writing is gone.) I’ll have something exciting for you soon…

Monday - Jay-Z announces that he’s doing a 7 stop tour in one day. I look for details / tickets and there are none of either to be had.

Tuesday - The first tickets start showing up. I e-mail everyone posting them, but they’re always sold.

Wednesday - More tickets on craigslist / ebay. I am still e-mailing them, almost get tickets, but don’t.

Thursday night - Right before I go to sleep I check for tickets again. Someone posts two for sale with her phone number. I call and it’s a done deal! I have tickets. I book a flight to Chicago and arrange to stay with my friend Phil who will use the other ticket.

Then the scheming begins. Two people from each show get to go on Jay-Z’s Gulfstream V jet with him afterwards. I am determined to get on there with him. I pack $4000 in cash to bribe someone to take their spot.

Saturday morning I wake up at 7 and miss the shuttle to the airport. That’s ok - I’ll pay for parking for Jay-Z. I drive to the airport, get on the flight and make my way to Chicago. We eat a quick lunch and head to the line.

It’s 4pm, and there’s already a very short line. The temperature is 45 degrees, moderately windy, and the show doesn’t start until 7:15. That’s ok - it’s Jay-Z. Ever since he announced his (now recanted) retirement, I’ve been trying to get to one of his shows. The only problem is that if I’m going to be flying into another city just to see one show, I want to buy the best tickets available. None of my friends want to spend that much for a ticket.

Time passes as we chat with the people around us. Two of the girls are Asian and look suspicious. They later manage to get next to us, and ultimately they cut in front. Finally after two hours in the cold the doors open at 6pm and we hustle in. We have the choice between being in the front row all the way to the side, or second row dead center. We go to the center and wait another hour. While we wait they have a DJ playing. Now that I’ve had to DJ I appreciate how he transitions from one song to another. I should learn how to do that.

Right before Jay-Z is about to perform, a girl working the show walks through the moat between us and the stage looking for someone - the winner of the Jet ride. She finds her and pulls her over the moat. I didn’t win! CRAP! I forgot to bribe her. This constitutes the biggest regret of my life.

Jay-Z finally comes on and the whole crowd goes crazy. He runs to the center of the stage, six feet away from me, and starts singing. The set was meticulously planned - he manages to sing all of the songs I was hoping to hear. It’s only a 35 minute set, but he cuts off excess choruses, intros and outros to fit all of the hits in.

Halfway through I stop jumping around and getting into it, and start analyzing everything Jay-Z is doing. The whole crowd is jumping around against me and I’m standing in the sea of people staring. He looks at me a couple times and I imagine that he’s confused.

A few things occur to me. First - he’s really good. Rappers often sound weird in concert, but he sounds dead on. He also has a way of dancing / moving that makes him seem really cool. It’s hard to explain, but he only makes little movements. I try to memorize how to do it.

I also notice that he doesn’t seem like he actually wants to be there. He doesn’t care that the crowd is there. He stops for a minute and talks over the cheering, as if he can’t be bothered to accept the admiration. I get slightly offended. Maybe it’s just that he’s been touring for 12 hours and he’s tired, or maybe he just has a super tight timeline to stick to. Even though he doesn’t seem to like it, I imagine myself up there. It’s a small venue, so it’s not much of a stretch. It seems like it would be fun. The next day I contract one of the best rappers online to ghostwrite an album for me.

Before we leave, Sway from MTV interviews him on stage. All I hear is ” … you just have to feed off the energy of the crowd”. That one comment really irks me. It was a scripted response, and a lie. He didn’t feed off the energy - he ignored it and gave the response people want to hear. It’s not that I expected anything different, it’s just that I secretly hoped that he wasn’t like that.

All that said, it was an amazing show. I’m glad to finally see Jay-Z! Here are some crappy pictures :

Before I start this post - thanks so much to people who came to Karaoke. It was mostly people I already knew, but one reader, Curtis, came. I thought it was totally awesome that he read about Karaoke here and decided to go. Even better, he nailed Guns ‘N Roses’ Welcome to the Jungle. Also in attendance were my brother and his friends, Steve, Anissa, and Dan from work, and Todd and Doug who helped me run the show.

I had no idea what I was getting into. Things like “hey, I should probably have music for when no one is karaokeing” never even occurred to me. All I had was the leaked copy of Jay-Z’s Kingdom Come, so I kept playing that. There was silence, there was no crossfading. That part of the show was a disaster. I also had no idea how to hook stuff up to their system, so the first hour was spent doing that. I felt really bad for people who came during that part.

Finally things got rolling, although I think only 4 people I didn’t know sang songs. It wasn’t too busy because the weather was cold.

Highlights included killing the scene with Todd. We sang a bunch of songs (some of them twice). One of the bartenders named Tony tried to sing “I wanna sex you up”, but even with the help of Todd and I we couldn’t figure it out.

The best part was when these drunk ghetto mexican guys came up and wanted to freestyle. They were giving me crap about my tiny laptop and stuff, but I played a beat for them. They started freestyling and then passed the mic to me. I was pretty intimidated - they sounded good and I’d never freestyled for anyone, let alone in public on a microphone. I had no option, though - this is one of those situations where bombing looks better than refusing to sing.

I started off really strong, and it kept getting better. Honestly it was probably one of my best freestyles ever and it probably seemed written. Even as it was happening all I could think of was “oh my god this is going so good - don’t screw it up”. I finished my turn and passed the microphone back. It was probably one of the best moments of my life - I’ve practiced freestyling every day since I decided to learn how to rap 6 years ago, and it paid off! Woo! I did it a few more times after that, but they weren’t as good as that first one.

Anyway, it’s tired and I’m rambling. Next week will be a much more polished operation - come out and sing / rap / dance with me!

A year ago there was something called “Krunkaoke” every wednesday night at a club nearby. I went religiously and became one of the few creepy superstar regulars who dropped hot gangsta classics every Wednesday. The first time I went I was really nervous, but after doing “How We Do” by The Game, I was hooked. Eventually Krunkaoke became too packed (is that possible?), and they cancelled it!

Desperate for a Karaoke fix, I started going to Rain, which is a gay club a couple blocks from where I live. They had a cool light up stage, but the mediocre sound system and guys trying to grab my ass left me looking for alternatives.

Then one night it happened. I was working late and I thought I heard bad singing at the club downstairs. Could it be… Karaoke?

We raced down the stairs to the club. Sure enough, it was Karaoke. I did my first song, and it was fantastic. The sound system was great, which made it really easy to sing. The crowd was pretty light (it was a Tuesday), so we got to do six songs or so.

The next week I went again, but there was no karaoke. It was going to start being a regular event the following week. Luckily I met a cool promoter who is going to throw official Tynan’s Angels parties (more on that later).

When the next Wednesday rolled around, I was prepared. I brought my own CD with several of my favorite songs. After destroying the crowd with one hit after another, a guy approached me.

“Hey, I’m the general manager here. Are you interested in hosting Karaoke every week?”

And that was that. Tonight is the premiere of what I like to call, “The Tynan Show featuring Karaoke”. You will hear other people sing, you will hear me sing, and you can even bring in your own instrumental CD and sing a song we don’t have. Dying to do that Beyonce song, but don’t have anyone to be Jay-Z? I’ll be Jay-Z. I personally only do gangsta rap songs, but the song list is mostly rock and roll.

So now you know what you’re doing tonight (and every Wednesday for the rest of your life)! Come out and meet me. For those that don’t know, it’s at Firehouse Lounge, which is on Brazos St. off 6th, right across from the Driskill. I also get a tab for hosting, so if I still have some money left on it and you mention that you read my blog, I’ll buy you a drink.

I wake up at 7:00am to the sound of a loud fire alarm. It must be national test-your-fire-alarm-day. I remember those from middle school. I try to go to sleep, but it’s no use.

I flop out of bed, head to the kitchen and make some breakfast. After breakfast I go back into my room and I hear a wheezing noise. After a bit of investigation I realize that it’s the intake for the air conditioner that’s making the racket. I flip the air conditioner on and off - the only repair move I can think of. It doesn’t work.

When I get back to work it’s 85 degrees in the apartment according to the thermostat. It feels hotter - I’m used to a breezy 73. After a day or two I realize that it’s not going to fix itself and I call the repair man. It takes him a few days to fix it.

During the 6 days or so that I had no air conditioner, I gradually adjusted to the heat. By the end I actually enjoyed it. When the repair was finally completed, I didn’t bother turning the air conditioner back on.

Let’s think about this for a second - why the hell is 72 degrees the standard temperature that we like so much? There are people in Africa with no air conditioning who live in 100 degree heat that don’t complain about it. I spend thousands of dollars a year adapting the environment to me. Why not just adjust to the environment and save all that money?

So far it’s been a month or so, and I haven’t used the air conditioning or heater at all (twice someone else used it…) and everything’s been fine. It’s going to start getting colder, so we’ll see how long I last!

A year ago, when I decided to go raw, I bought a cookbook recommended to me by a friend called Raw Food/Real World: 100 Recipes to Get the Glow. At first glance it looked like a hippie book, but if the food tasted half as good as it looked in the glossy photos, it would be worth it.

The book is written by the founders of a restaurant in New York City called Pure Food and Wine. I made a healthy ice cream recipe from it which was absolutely delicious. However, my friend Elisia tried it and said that it wasn’t nearly as good as when they made it in the restaurant. And so my desire to eat at Pure Food and Wine was sparked.

When I heard that we had a trade show to go to in NYC for work, I was excited - I would finally get to go to Pure Food and Wine. My coworkers could tell how excited I was, and most of them agreed to go with me on Sunday night, the first of three nights in New York. I made the reservations, and off we went.

On Sunday afternoon I went with my friend Magnus to a NYC Pickup Artists’ meeting. It was pretty cool to see how well organized they were, and my ego was sufficiently stroked when I was announced and murmurs of “wow! It’s him!” spread through the crowd. During the meeting, however, I began to feel a bit queasy. This is odd for me, because the last time I threw up was about 8 years ago. I made it through the meeting and, with much excitement, headed towards Pure Food and Wine.

We found the restaurant and took a seat at a large wooden table set with attractive napkins and plates. The atmosphere of the restaurant was very peaceful and relaxing. My stomach, however, was not relaxing. It was churning.

I convinced our waiter to allow only half of us to get the tasting menu (you’re supposed to do it by table), and he finally relented when he found out that I’d been wanting to eat there for a year. Our first appetizer came and it was delicious, but I was losing my appetite quickly. By the time the next course, a beet borscht, came, I had to hurry out of the restaurant.

The taxi jostled across potholes towards the hotel, and I felt sicker and sicker. I rushed upstairs, went into the bathroom, and threw up. Then I threw up again. And again. I was still sick the next day and had to skip half of the conference.

By the next day, our last in town, I felt better. Due to a combination of really enjoying the food the first time, and feeling really bad that I didn’t get to go, everyone agreed to eat again.

The food was absolutely amazing. Between the table we ordered nearly everything on the menu, and I got to try each one. The real star of the meal, however, was the dessert. They had a healthy tiramisu, vanilla pudding, chocolate layer cake, ice cream, apple pastry, and a number of other things. Each had no dairy, no sugar, no gross sugar substitutes, and was raw. The ice cream was totally indistinguishable from commercial ice cream, except that the flavorings were better. I was amazed. If you’re ever in NY, you HAVE to go to this place. If you live there, go right now and tell everyone how good it is.

This monday I have a mission : to make ice cream like they do. I have a new cleaver for chopping coconuts, and Jonah has a super fancy ice cream maker with a built in compressor. Victory will be mine!