I used to lie a lot when I was a kid. I wasn’t intent on deceiving people, but for some reason I would just tell made up stories. They weren’t even fantastic stories, they were just things that hadn’t happened. I really have no idea why I did it.

One day I was hanging out with my friend Ryan and his family. We had just gone to a movie and were driving back to his house. Right as we were driving down his street I told a story to everyone in the car. I don’t remember the story, but I remember it had something to do with cabinets. Hey, it was a long time ago.

Ryan’s mother innocently asked a question that began with, “Wait… if you did that, then how could you have…”

I was busted. The story was completely fabricated and everyone knew it. Worse, it wasn’t even impressive. I had lied about some mundane every day story. I was mortally embarrassed. Everyone could sense my embarrassment and took it as a sign to keep quiet. That was worse.

I think that day was a turning point for me, even though I was only in middle school. I stopped lying. Seared into my brain was the idea that lying equaled immeasurable humiliation. Telling the truth couldn’t possibly be worse than that.

Since then I have a more mature philosophy on lying. I do it all the time. Just kidding. Here’s why not to lie :

1. Lying is a huge indicator of low self esteem. Why not only do things that you’re proud of? If you’re proud of something, why not tell people about it? People who lie are embarrassed by the truth, so they are forced to make something up. When I catch people lying I’m not really offended, I just feel bad.
2. Lying is stressful. Is he going to find out? Does she secretly know the truth? Which version of the story did I tell Bob? Do you really need this sort of baggage running through your mind all the time? I don’t.
3. People know when you’re lying, and they don’t like liars. Look - I know when someone is lying. I will act as though I don’t know (because is a confrontation REALLY going to stop that person from lying?), but I think way less of that person. If you lie once and the person knows, they will assume you’re lying about EVERYTHING. There’s really no such thing as a white lie, because if it’s discovered you won’t get any credit for true things you say down the road!
4. Telling the truth ALWAYS works. There have been SO many times where I’ve wanted to lie and I’ve mustered the courage to just blurt out the truth. Every single time it’s felt great and been the right thing to do.

I’m totally not perfect, so I guess I do lie once in a while. I’m sure you’ve read about that ONE time. My lies are tiny ones, though. The other day I told my mom I was farther along building her web page than I was. I felt bad about it. Then the next day I spent a lot of time and built the whole thing. Still, I should have just told her the truth.

Some people make up insane lies that I can’t fathom. I’ve seen people construct HUGE elaborate lies that they have to keep up on a daily basis so that people don’t figure out the truth. One girl (no, not the one in my story) even pretended to be pregnant to try to keep her boyfriend. She was a total wreck and eventually alienated all of her friends when they found out about her lies.

I get accused of lying about my stories pretty often. I hope that this is because my stories are fantastic, not because I seem like a liar!

Sometimes you can be put in awkward situations, though. For example, let’s say that Sally told me that she’s going to dump Bill. Bill then says “Hey, do you think Sally is going to dump me?”

What should you do?

I would lie and pretend that I didn’t know. As far as I’m concerned, if someone tells me something and tells me not to tell anyone, I didn’t hear it. I don’t think lying is a great option, but I think it’s the most fair to everyone involved. Also, I would be lying to sally if I told her secret to Bill.

How about if a guy says, “Hey do you like my painting?” about his ugly painting?

There’s a lot of incentive to lie here, but there’s no good reason to. I would say “Honestly, not really. I’m not any sort of art critic, but it doesn’t appeal to me.” I’ve never seen someone who doesn’t appreciate this sort of honesty. If he asks, I might give him some more detailed feedback that he could use later. If he paints a better one and I say, “Ooh, I like this one,” then he knows that I’m telling the truth .

If you lie, be honest with yourself (or is that a catch-22?) and examine why you lie. Is it REALLY the best thing to be doing? Maybe give total honesty a try for 30 days and see where it gets you. It can be scary, but it’s worth it.

Nothing fancy today. There are a bunch of things I do that are fairly unique but probably wouldn’t ever come up on this site. Maybe some of them will give you ideas, or maybe you’ll just think I’m weird.

• To shave I use an old fashioned safety razor and a brush made of the neck hair of badgers.
• I NEVER cook with a microwave. Everything the microwave can do can be done better with another appliance.
• I’m left handed.
• I sleep with my eyes in the crook of my arm because for a year I had messed up automated lights that would randomly turn on at night.
• I’ve never been in a fistfight.
• I used to be a very picky eater. I ate no meat and only four vegetables.
• When I was 13 I flew to Taiwan with my best friend at the time and learned Mandarin Chinese. I really want a Chinese girlfriend so that I can practice.
• I almost never swear. I think it’s a bad habit.
• In sixth grade I voluntarily joined a church without my family. I was kicked out of confirmation class because I argued too much. I don’t think I ever really believed in god.
• I’m ticklish.
• I have poor vision but I don’t wear contacts because they’re too much trouble. When I try on someone’s glasses it seems like super vision because I’m so used to my vision.
• I’m scared of bugs.
• I’ve never swallowed a pill before. I think medicine is almost always the wrong choice.
• I practice freestyling (rapping) every single day. I started this 8 years ago because I couldn’t come up with a single line. Now I can go on indefinitely.
• I only have one scar. I got it from boiling sugar splattering and sticking to my thumb while I was making flan.
• I was most popular in third grade. I was one of three boys invited to a popular girl’s pool party. Things went downhill from there.
• I have an awful sense of direction.
• I’ve never been to Europe. It never seems like the most interesting option, even though there are a lot of cool places there.
• I started this blog to keep track of my polyphasic sleeping. I didn’t really expect that it would become popular.
• I know 100 digits of pi or so. I used to know more.
• I flew a plane twice.
• I don’t really feel bad for homeless people, but I feel awful for average people.

We grow up being told what to do and what not to do and can’t wait until we’re adults and can do whatever we want. When we finally get there, there are new people like bosses, cool people on TV, and the government who try to tell us what to do again.

I don’t mind getting into a little trouble here and there, so I tend to push the envelope a bit. However, even if you want to stay on the right side of the law, here are a few things that you probably THINK you have to do, but don’t really.

1. Write in tip amounts You can just put the total amount and completely ignore the top box. Do you really think they’re not going to figure out how much it is? If you have super messy writing you might want to write it in to make sure they understand the amount, but if you aren’t a 2nd grader, you’re probably fine.
2. Stop at stop signs in parking lots These signs aren’t actually legal signs. Have you noticed how they’re often not the same size or material? That’s because they’re made by the property owners. They’re as legally valid as me putting a crosswalk in the middle of my living room. So if it’s late and no one else is in the parking lot, just drive past them. It’s exhilarating.
3. Check out at hotels There’s no real benefit to checking out at hotels. You’ve paid for a night and they’re expecting that you’ll be gone by the time you said you’d be gone. Just leave.
4. Letting stores check your receipts You know those stores like Best Buy or Fry’s who treat you like a potential shoplifter after you leave and want to verify your receipts at the door? They have no right to do it! The worst is when there’s a huge line and they expect you to wait there. Just walk past and say “no thanks” when they go to look at your receipt. They legally have to let you go. The one exception are “clubs” like Costco where you’ve agreed to allow this in your membership agreement.
5. Signing credit card receipts with your real name You’re probably supposed to sign it, but do you really think you’re not going to get charged if you write something else? I once drew a mountain range, a lake, and an indian in a canoe that was being eaten by a huge shark. When the cashier insisted I sign my name I just wrote “artwork by Tynan” at the bottom. The charge went through.
6. Give your phone numbers and address when buying things This is a pet peeve of mine. Stores (RADIOSHACK!) always ask for your info so that they can send you tons of junk. I just tell them that I don’t want to give it to them, and they never refuse to sell to me.
7. Writing out the numbers on checks How annoying is it to write out “Four thousand three hundred fifty two dollars and XX/100″? I hate it. Instead just write “————–4352.00———–”. The chances that someone is going to try to tamper with your check are basically nil. Especially if you’re writing a check to some company.
8. Get oil changes every 3000 miles The ideal amount of time between changes is actually about 4000-5000 miles, but motor oil companies have pushed the 3000 mile thing to sell more oil.

Have any more to add? Put them in the comments and I’ll add good ones here!

Right now I’m sitting at Casa De Luz waiting for my friend to get here. I’m using a cool wireless card from Sprint, which is my main internet connection now. For those of you who are nerds, I downloaded at 160k/sec while driving in my car. Pretty wild.

Anyway, sorry for not writing frequently lately. I’ve been a little burnt out I guess. Today I did something a bit different and I recorded myself reading the first chapter of the best kids book in the land. As I mention in the recording, this book is pretty much responsible for me being who I am. If you want to ensure that your kids don’t come out like me, definitely don’t let them read this book.

You can listen to the first chapter here or buy it at Amazon.

There’s actually a whole series. I think that the chapter I read is one of the less interesting ones, but I chose it because it’s first and I’m one of those people who hates spoilers of any kind.

Now that I’m #1 on Google for my name, I’ve been getting more people to the site searching for that. Many of them share my name, which is awesome.

My parents chose the name out of a name book randomly. They wanted me to have a name that had no previous associations with anyone else. It’s Irish, although I’m not Irish at all.

The dark side of having a unique name is that I missed out on a whole side of consumerism. I never had a little license plate or keychain with my name on it. Those were reserved for people with more common names.

One day in third grade a girl named Morgan Peck came into school carrying a thick book. I asked her about it and she told me that it was a name book. It had the meanings of everyone’s name. She showed me her name, which meant “Horse Princess” or something like that. We looked for my name, but I wasn’t hopeful. It was never included in those sorts of things.

This time it was. Tynan (Gaelic) : The Dark One.
(more…)

I hate Paypal. In the early days of gambling I used Paypal to send money to casinos, and Paypal would occasionally screw me over. They held all deposits to casinos for 30 days so that if the casino went under, players wouldn’t get screwed. That was nice of them.

One time I deposited $10k and a casino went under. They never gave me any money despite a number of calls and e-mails. Oh well.

I use paypal when I absolutely have to, and that’s it. Google checkout came along, and I was happy about that. I like Adwords, Adsense is ok, Search is awesome, etc. I figure with their “Don’t be evil” motto, I’d have nothing to worry about.

Wrong.

About a month ago I released my book to a few people on my forum. I didn’t have a merchant account all set up, so I set up a payment page through Google checkout. It was easy and convenient and there weren’t any charges for using the service. Perfect!

Then tonight I get this e-mail :

Hey Tynan, Just wondering why this came? I was actually going to write and ask if I could get the final version once things settled down from your release, but I see no reason to get my money back. Hit me back if you get this, I can re-initiate the transaction (so long as I can still get the pre-order price.) I loved your book, looking forward to seeing the final.

-XXXXX

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Google Checkout < noreply@checkout.Google.com>
Date: Mar 2, 2007 4:48 PM
Subject: Your order from Tynan: Refund information
To: XXXXXXXXXXXXX@gmail.com

Tynan has issued a refund for $29.00 to your VISA xxx-2229 . Please note that the refund may not appear in your credit card account for several days.

* Refund reason: Other (describe below)

* Comments from Tynan: ” refunded by Google 02″

Let me make a few things clear. I haven’t logged into my Google checkout account in weeks. No one who paid through Google has ever requested a refund. I use a very long alphanumeric password that’s unique to Google checkout. I encrypt all of my web traffic and have my computer locked whenever I’m not using it. There’s no way that ANYONE has issued a refund.

I figure it’s an isolated incident.

Then I get an IM saying that someone else got a refund. Then a close friend of mine who sent me $100 for something else told me he got refunded.

I go to log in to my Google checkout account and it brings me to the “My Account” screen. I click the link for Google checkout again and it stays there. Apparently I don’t have a Google checkout account anymore.

I double check my e-mail. I check my spam folder and my trash folder. Nothing from Google in any of my accounts. So now all of my charges are refunded by “Google 02″ apparently without me ever being notified. Worse, it’s saying that I refunded them. Awesome.