Recently a comment was posted where someone asked why I don’t drink. I do seem to mention it in a number of posts, mostly those where I’m complaining how hard it is to find a girl who also doesn’t drink, but I suppose I’ve never explained why. I also don’t do drugs, smoke, or take medicine.

I’ve never had a drink in my life. I went to a private school in Andover, Massachusetts for middle school and I don’t think anyone there drank. Maybe they did and I was blissfully ignorant. I remember one kid got caught for smoking and it was a huge controversy.

After middle school my family moved to Austin, Texas and I went to a public high school. My first day there I got lost and happened to have wandered behind the building. to my surprise there was a huge mass of kids smoking cigarettes and pot. One such kid, a Junior, picked me up and put me in a trash can.

Nowadays I guess most people start drinking early, in middle school. I missed that phase and all of a sudden EVERYONE was drinking.

In high school none of my friends drank. I consider meeting those friends to be one of the best things that ever happened to me for a number of reasons.

At the end of my senior year in high school, not one of my good friends was a drinker. I had made friends with the biggest druggie in school, and other people who drank or did drugs, but none of them were part of my core group of close friends.

Then I met Julie. I wrote about her in the story of how I became a pick up artist. She and I went to a party that her friends (who all drank) were throwing. When I walked in I was happy to see my friend Sumaya. But she wasn’t acting like she usually did. She came up to me and started pawing at my stomach while talking. It was odd.

Then I looked around and realized that there were bottles of alcohol. She was drunk - for the first time, as it turns out. Aware that I was uncomfortable Julie pulled me into the bathroom with her while
she made a phone call - and that’s when I kissed her for the first time.

Over that summer and during the next year as freshmen in college, my friends began to drink and smoke pot. It made me furious. I was so proud to be the group of people who were too cool to drink. We were happy and had more fun than anyone, and we didn’t need alcohol.

To me, alcohol is a crutch. So is a great deal of modern medicine. Both cure symptoms rather than problems. People drink, and it’s usually for a reason : lonliness, depression, insecurity, stress, or the worst of all : boredom. I’ve rarely seen people drink for reasons other than those. Some people drink because it goes well with food, and that isn’t bothersome to me.

As my friends began to drink and I saw them, I saw them act like idiots. They were transformed from the people I knew and loved into boring idiots. They would laugh at things that weren’t funny, stumble around, and generally make fools of themselves. Some of them would say things that they’d surely regret. Often times they’d get too close to people’s faces and talk about things that person didn’t care about. I was that person sometimes.

When I saw the effect alcohol had on my friends, I was even less interested in trying it.

I did try it, though.

I don’t know if it’s out of insecurity, a desire to improve my life, or because of the challenge, but it’s very common for people to try to get me to drink.

Julie called me one night before she was going to come visit. Over the past couple weeks she had been pleading for me to try wine. Knowing I never would, I told her that I might. She asked if she could bring a bottle of wine over. I said no.

She did anyway. She also brought a corkscrew and two glasses in a bag. She had bought the bottle on the way, and I thought that was adorable. I agreed to try a sip. After all, she had earlier quit drinking for three months to get me to like her.

I was worried I would like the wine and become a drinker. Maybe I would become one of those bumbling idiots who can’t hold company with sober people.

She poured the Reisling into the glass and showed me how to swirl it. I felt like an aristocrat. I sniffed the wine as she did. She took a small sip and showed me how to “chew” it to extract the most flavor.

I took a sip and chewed it. All of my worries were immediately banished - this stuff was disgusting. I was shocked, actually. I really thought that I would like it and would have to then force myself not to drink.

But it tasted like rotten fruit and gasoline all mixed together. She was also surprised that I didn’t like it, and urged me to try another sip. I wouldn’t.

Another time I went to visit my friend Lindsay. She had a friend over who was sitting on the porch in front, drinking a red icy drink. I introduced myself and she offered me a sip.

“Oh, no thanks. I don’t drink.”

She laughed, “It’s not alcoholic.”

I knew it was. But then again, why would some girl I just met possibly try to trick me into drinking? It made no sense at all, so I took a sip. It wasn’t as offensive as the wine, but was certainly alcoholic.

Later I accidentally drank a sip of mimosa because I thought it was orange juice : gross.

A vodka or something clear on the rocks that I thought was water : gross.

Katya was drinking a red wine that she claimed was fantastic. She’d made a strong effort not to drink so I figured I’d indulge and try it. Gross.

I honestly don’t understand how people become drinkers. Alcohol is so incredibly foul that it baffles me that people bother to aquire the taste. I ate a bite of a 100 year old egg, a Chinese delicacy which consists of a egg which is buried in the ground until it rots and ferments and turns black and green.

It was better than any alcoholic beverage I’ve ever tried.

And then there’s the issue of control. I like being in control of my life. I make some sweet decisions.

Alcohol takes away control.

I don’t need or want the things it offers. I’m already secure, inhibition-free, happy, unstressed, and have enough great friends to prevent me from being lonely or bored. What could I possibly gain?

What if I did like it? Would I become one of those pathetic drunks that no one wants to talk to who annoys everyone? Maybe. Nearly every interaction I’ve ever had with someone who was drunk was awful.

Those that were bearable would have been far better if they weren’t drinking. Oh god - and the “man, we were so wasted…” stories. There is no good story that begins that way.

I’m constantly thinking about my future, and how actions I take now will affect me. Why give drinking a chance to develop into a habit that I might struggle with for years?

Think about this : is there anyone who you have ever respected MORE because they drank? Is there anyone who you’ve respected more because they DIDN’T drink?

And how about the health benefits? Sure a glass of wine a day is supposedly good for you. So is grape juice and a million other things. Also, the health benefits are miniscule compared to hundreds of other easier health tips that could be taken to heart.

I’m not trying to convert anyone here. If you drink and you’re happy about it, then that’s great for you. I recognize that there are benefits to drinking as well. For example, the best bite of your steak is the first bite because steak coats your toungue in a film that inhibits taste. Red wine dissolves that film.

If you drink, though, I hope this gives you some perspective into why I chose not to drink, and at least gets you to consider why you drink (feel free to answer that in the comments - I’d love to hear it).

Personally, I’ll never drink or do drugs. There’s just too much liability for too few benefits. I also like being one of the few who was strong enough to never give in and try it. Cheers!

Today I came home from having dinner with my parents and I picked up my mail. I hadn’t checked it in a while, so there was a buildup of flyers, bills, and solicitations. Nothing too interesting. As I came to the bottom of the stack I saw a hand written envelope.

It wasn’t written to me, though. It was addressed to the former resident.

I flipped it in my hands for a half a second and decided to open it. I thought to myself that it was my duty to check it. Maybe it was important. Really, I’m just too curious for my own good.

It was a doctor’s bill for a small amount of money. The money was overdue and he was threatening to put it on her credit report. My credit report’s a disaster - I always argue with companies who screw me over and refuse to pay. Then they put things on my credit report. It bothered me the first time, but I grew numb to it after a while. I wonder if her credit report is ok.

I put the letter in a new envelope, addressed it to the doctor, and put in enough cash to cover the bill. No check, no return address.

It’s not that I’m a nice guy. Really, I’m pretty selfish.

I like the idea of the doctor getting his letter, which was threatening and impersonal, returned with what appears to be an act of genuine kindness. Maybe it will give him faith that people are good. I love doing things that make people wonder. Just because I’m not there to see the reaction doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a good one.
More than anything, I do things like this because it makes me feel good about myself.

How cool is that? If you search for my first name, Tynan, this blog comes up fifth on google! I check where I rank on a bunch of keywords every once in a while, and this is the first time I’ve been on the first page. Hopefully soon I will be the first search result.

What’s strange is that MSN usually gives me really good rankings, but I’m on the second page for my name there.

My biggest criticism with personal development, self improvement, or whatever you want to call it, is that a lot of it is theoretical or has little effect on your life NOW. Of course, most people become interested in personal development because of problems they’re facing immediately, which creates a perfect setup for disappointment.

Thinking back on the different areas in which I’ve directed my efforts, here is a short list of some of the most effective ones which got results quickly (in no particular order):

1. Buy and read the book Fantastic Voyage : Live Long Enough to Live Forever. It’s a fascinating read and will give you a deep and valuable understanding of your body, nutrition, and food. When I read it I did so because I was bored, even though I had no particular interest in health or diet. Reading it instantly changed the way I see a lot of things.

2. Open up a new bank account and religiously deposit 10-15% of your after tax income into it every month. This is money that you will NEVER SPEND for your entire life. As it grows you earn interest, and spend that (or add it to this same account). Once you have a significant amount of money, you can then invest it in something reliable like an index fund. You are allowed to use it as a down payment for a house.

3. Go through your house with a trash bag and throw away everything you don’t need. You will immediately feel happier, less stressed, and more motivated to work on other projects. (be sure to look in cabinets, the fridge, and your desk - you will probably need more than one bag)

4. Get in the habit of taking a walk every day. Taking walks is surprisingly therapeutic (I do it every time I have a big decision to make, or feel stressed) and is also really good for your cardiovascular system. If you can do it during the day, that’s even better. A moderate amount of sun is the best way to get Vitamin D and a healthy looking tan to make the ladies (and boys) swoon.

5. Starting at the top of the list, make a decision on one person in your phone every day. They either get a phone call or deleted. You might feel weird calling people you haven’t talked to in a while, but think of how you would feel if they called just to see how you were doing. You’d probably feel really good that you were being thought about. During this process you’ll also find people you’ll never talk to again. Deleting their number will save time and effort when scrolling through your phone book.

6. Similar to #3, go through your closet and either pack up (to be lost in the attic forever), throw away, or donate any clothes you haven’t worn in the past 30 days. (Exceptions are seasonal items [can't you just pack those?] or things like a suit or party dress that doesn’t expect frequent use.)

7. Go shopping and buy enough of the following items to last at least 6 months :

• toothpaste
• paper towels
• toilet paper (try moistened towelettes! they’re way better)
• soap
• detergent for clothes and dishes
• plastic bags (zip lock and trash)

If you can think of any other items where a) the price isn’t going to change drastically b) your preference probably won’t change c) the shelf life is very long, then stock up on those too. Look! You’ve just eliminated a serious chunk of your todo list and mindless errands for the next six months!

8. If you’re disorganized, get and read Getting Things Done : The Art of Stress-Free Productivity. It will have you organized with a gameplan for staying organized easily within 1-3 days. If you’re already organized, then you can just take a second and gloat.

9. Find the most expensive item you have that you don’t use anymore and sell it on ebay. It will take you 10 minutes at most, plus another 30 minutes to ship (while you’re at the post ofice, get 100 2 cent stamps and never worry about that again). Alternatively, just send it to me as a present.

10. Show this page to your friends! Helping out other people makes you feel better, and working on some of these things with your friends will make them more fun.

Don’t just read this list and think “that’s a good idea”. Do it now! If you’re at work, then order the books, take a break and make your first phone call while you take a walk.

I tried to fairly evenly distribute the focus between the three areas of Health, Wealth, and Relationships. Relationships has the least focus because improving your health and wealth will likely improve relationships as well. If you could use some extra help with meeting women or being attractive to them, check out my book called Make Her Chase You. I am a world famous pickup artist who has learned from the best ladies’ men in the world, and I’ve condensed all of my knowledge into one awesome book.

Of course if you’re a lovely lady and you’re looking to improve your relationships, just e-mail me…

Sorry… I was really trying to do it every day. I had a good story for today, but I don’t have the time to do it justice, so I’m going to delay it. Some quick points of interest :

I may be getting a “real” job. Not the kind of job boring peons get, but a really interesting one. We still have to work out the details, so I’ll write more if it happens.

I got pulled over today for not putting my headlights on. Oops. I didn’ thave my insurance card, so I got a ticket for that. It was actually expired, but they gave me a new policy card anyway for some reason, so I can mail that in and get out of the ticket. The best part? My car is super illegal at the moment. My registration and inspection are not only expired but not in my name. I never bothered to switch it over because I like my cali plates. This is the third time I’ve been pulled over in a year and they’ve never ticketed me for it. The last two times they noticed and had mercy on me.

Adjusting to normal sleep is weird. I feel like I don’t have nearly enough time now. I still have tons of stuff I want to do tonight and won’t. Also I’m sleeping 7 hours or so, so I’d say there’s an excellent chance I’m going back to polyphasic in a couple weeks.

I’m reading the book Blink : The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. It’s an incredibly fascinating book that I’m learning a lot from. It’s told mainly in the form of anecdotes, which make the most interesting type of reading. I’ll probably write more about it when I’m finished.

Ok, that’s it for now. Expect a mind blowing entry tomorrow.

The concept of Value vs. Price is one that I am inexplicably fascinated by. Maybe it’s the fact that most people ignore it entirely, or maybe it’s because following its principles virtually guarantees success in any area.

Most people do not understand the difference between value and price or, at the very least, greatly underestimate it.

So, what is the difference between value and price? Value is the benefit derived from an action, and price is the benefit lost by performing an action. What makes this such a profound concept is that every action has a value and a cost associated with it, and it is usually fairly easy to measure. Our unconscious minds are constantly evaluating the price and value of every possible choice, which ends up governing many of our actions.

Example #1 - Wealth

Take the purchase of a computer as an example. If you buy a computer for $1000, the price is simply $1000. But what’s the value? Let’s assume that you’re a writer, and you are replacing an old computer which has suddenly broken. You have a book due the next day, and will be penalized by $10,000 if you do not turn it in on that day (yes, I know this isn’t a realistic penalty). In this case, the value is about $10,000.

For me to buy that computer, however, the value is far less. I have several computers. I don’t use the computer that much anymore. The value isn’t $0, because I could potentially sell the computer (probably for less than $1000), with an additional price of my time. So the value may be $700 to me.

In this example, the decision of whether or not to buy a computer is obvious for both me and the writer. The writer should buy it, and I should not. The cost of an item is the net effect it has on us, after considering the price and value. For the writer the cost of the computer is -$9000, meaning that he is essentially gaining $9000 by completing the transaction. To me the cost is $300, meaning I am losing $300 by buying the computer.

An interesting phenomenon to note is that sales often don’t REALLY affect the cost of an item. For example, if there was a $200 off coupon for that computer, it wouldn’t change my decision to buy the computer or not. It obviously wouldn’t affect the writer either. The only possible effect it would have is to make us more likely to purchase that product AT THAT STORE, rather than at all. I see many people (I used to be very guilty of this) buying things with low price, but significant cost. Doing this is a sure path to financial scarcity.

Of course, price isn’t simply the number on the pricetag. What if the computer was for sale at $800 100 miles away, and $1000 2 miles away? A round trip drive to get the cheaper computer would take me 4 hours rather than a couple minutes. If four hours of my time (plus wear and tear on the car and gas) is worth less than the $200 difference in price, the writer should drive and get that cheaper computer.

This seems like a simple concept, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people (myself included) spend hours searching for a lower price on something which only ends up saving $20 or so. Often times dealhunting isn’t worth the cost.

Example #2 - Relationships

More interesting is this concept applied to non financial matters, because most people don’t even begin to consider it. Let’s take, for example, the choice of going out to clubsor staying in.

If I go out to a club, the intention is to meet women. I don’t drink, I don’t dance, and I don’t particularly relish the club atmosphere. Sometimes I’ll go downtown to hang out with friends, but that’s a different decision.

In any given night I might talk to 9 different women. Three groups of three. For me to be significantly interested in a girl, it takes time for me to get to know her (mainly because I’m picky and have a list of things which will disqualify her). I would estimate that I am seriously interested in one out of three hundred girls that I meet downtown.

If I’m interested in a girl and have a good opportunity to get to know her, I believe that she will be attracted to me almost 100% of the time. However, I’d say that getting a good opportunity to get to know a girl only happens around 40% of the time. The club atmosphere makes it difficult to get a good opportunity, but it is possible to increase that percentage to 100% with skill. In LA it was probably more like 70-80% for me when I was well practiced.

So let’s boil these numbers down. If I’m only able to attract 40% of the 300 girls necessary to find one I’m interested in, that’s 750 girls I must meet before finding one who I will be compatible with and will develop a relationship of sorts with. If I am meeting 9 girls per night, that means that it will take 84 nights out to “meet someone”.

On an average night, including driving and getting ready, I probably spend 5 hours to meet those 9 girls. That means that the price of meeting a girl is 420 hours of my time. That’s significant.

Of course, I do have fun when I go out and meet all those people. Some might become friends. I’m also going out with my friends and we joke around and have a good time. However, I would probably be doing something fun if I wasn’t going out as well, so those two effects can cancel each other.

What’s the value of beginning a relationship with a girl? It’s tough to say. If I had no other means of meeting a girl, I would probably go out religiously. The cost of NEVER having a girl is monumental, so I would be willing to spend the 420 hours of my time to meet that girl.

The reality, however, is that I do meet girls in other situations. Whole foods, friends of friends, and even through my blog. This is why I rarely go out anymore - the price I pay is simply not worth the value I receive.

Example #3 - Health

One last example is eating healthy. Eating raw food is expensive. I went to the grocery store last night and spent $150 buying 4-5 days worth of food. That’s probably about $7000 more per year than regular food would cost me. It’s also a pain. I can’t eat anything more than a plain salad at most restaurants. Some of the foods aren’t as tasty as conventional foods. That represents a significant price to pay for eating raw food.

What is the value of eating raw? For one, longevity. I believe that I will not only live for 10-20 years longer than the average person, but will be active and healthy for at least 10-20 additional years. I also need less sleep (to be determined by my break from Polyphasic sleep), which gives me more usable time. Let’s say that I go from 8 hours to 5.5 hours, which I feel is conservative. That’s 912.5 hours per year, or around 50 extra days. I also feel a lot better on a daily basis and look better thanks to lower bodyfat percentages and better skin.

For the sake of convenience (and because we don’t have years to make every decision), let’s cancel a few things out. Let’s say that the value of feeling and looking better is roughly equal to the cost of not being able to eat out, and not being able to eat tasty things like egg rolls.

The average lifespan is 75 in America, so let’s assume I will live to 90. I believe that’s very conservative. Since I am about 25 now, that means that I will be alive for another 65 years. At 50 extra days per year thanks to decreased sleep, that gives me an extra 3250 days of life, or almost 9 years.

The additional $7000 price of eating raw multiplied by my remaining 65 calendar years adds up to $455,000. That’s not insignificant.

So, when it all boils down to it, I am paying $455,000 for an extra 24 years of life, or $19,000 per year. To me that’s obviously worth it. To others it’s not. How about you?

Living Your Life

Living your life by the concept of Value vs. Price is essential. By constantly increasing the value of your habits, relationships, and posessions, you are constantly moving forward, and increasing your pool from which you are able to pay the price of new value. For example, with all my extra time, I can SPEND more time to gain more value.

Being a lawyer, to me anyway, would be the opposite. The value I would receive would be high (a high salary, power, prestige, etc.), but the price would be far too dear. Giving up my waking life for the majority of my productive years is not worth $100k, $200k, or even $1mil per year.

Live and direct, here are some updates on my latest drastic changes, as well as my encounter with a deadly rattlesnake. I’m talking specifically about taking a break from polyphasic sleep and giving up the computer, of course.

It’s now been a little bit over 48 hours since giving up the computer and taking a break from polyphasic. Both transitions went far better than I expected.

First, giving up the computer was a great idea. In that first 24 hours I got more important stuff done around the house than I had in the past month. I cleaned up where I had a minor flood, began cleaning the kitchen, and moved the last of my stuff out of my office. I also spent time with several of my friends, which made it much easier.

Using my Treo 650, I can see if I have any new e-mail. I have it set to check only every 30 minutes, so I’m not constantly distracted. Also, the blog e-mails me all comments on posts, so I can read those while I’m away from the computer. The treo isn’t very distracting at all, and can be taken with me no matter where I am, so this seems like the basis of a good solution.

In fact, in the first 24 hours I only ended up using 50 minutes of computer time. It feels great to break free of the computer and get things done. I am going to change it to 60 minutes of computer time, plus all the time I need for commercial enterprises. I have some upcoming projects that require using the computer, and spending that time is certainly to my benefit. Also, I don’t want to have to rush through my posts here.

Polyphasic was a little harder to kick. I took a couple naps early in the day, but after that I went out so it was easy to stay awake. In fact, I stayed out until 3:30 and was on the phone until 4:30, so I got to bed later than expected. Even so, I woke up naturally at 9am. I was still tired so I went back to sleep and woke up at 10:15. Five hours and fifteen minutes of sleep. Not too bad for staying up so late. I feel well rested, but the sleep is boring, unlike polyphasic which is full of dreams and feels deeper.

Yesterday Kristen and I went to hang out in this park near her house. I don’t really know if park is the right word - it’s an expanse of land including a lake, an enormous field (paragliding part II coming soon!), and some sparsley populated woods.

The first cool thing about this park is that there are pecan trees everywhere. Kristen showed me how to open the pecans and they were delicious! We stuffed my pockets full of them and I ate them for the rest of the day. I have a pecan tree in my backyard, too. I wonder if it makes deliciosu pecans as well.

Anyway, we were walking through the brush adjoining one of the fields when all of a sudden she yells “Whoa! A rattlesnake!”. God damn you, Texas. I always hear about the creepy snakes we have here in Texas (5 poisonous ones?), but had only once seen a Water Moccassin many years ago.

Sure enough I look down and there is a rattlesnake coiled. I jumped back and immediately became very suspicious of the rest of the brush. This thing was really well camoflauged - how many others were there.

Kristen? She wasn’t afraid.

WHO THE HELL ISN’T AFRAID OF SNAKES?

I mean… there’s a movie about “Snakes on a Plane” now, just because people are so afraid of snakes. The worst part is that we were stuck in the middle of the brush, so getting to safety surely involved stomping on several snake holes on the way out. Luckily for me, Kristen carried me to safety. I was going to act like I carried her safely to preserve my overwhelming masculinity, but she promised to come here and set the record straight if I did - and I don’t know how to ban people from the blog yet.

So, yeah… a tiny girl carried me away from the deadly snakes. If it helps restore your previously ingrained macho image of me, I did carry her later on. Yeah… that doesn’t help me either.

Just as I was leaving Kristen’s place, Luke called me. He and his friends wanted to get dinner, which was perfect because I was in their area and starving. We went to get sushi (again I feel sick after eating sashimi and seaweed salad, with the same symptoms), and then later went to sixth. Overall it was quite fun. The hilarious part is that Steve, who recently moved from San Francisco to Austin, leases a large office right above Firehouse, a popular bar on sixth street.

They’re intent on getting a good afterparty going there, which is a fantastic idea. However, due to extremely poor planning and lukewarm group participation, both times I’ve gone out with them have ended with the four of us sitting around in the office talking about business. At least there’s a nice backdrop set by the rotating multicolored strobe globes, affectionately referred to as “the party balls”.

So now I guess it’s time for me to either get off the computer, use up some of my precious computer time, or do some work on it. Adios!

Ever since I can remember, I have been a huge fan of Boy Meets World. With no concept of TV guide or schedules, it was a gift from the heavens above when I would turn on the TV and see the familiar cast. For roughly as long as I was a fan of the show, I had a crush on Topanga - known as Danielle Fishel in real life.

I’m hesitant to post detailed “reports” on meeting women here. Maybe because it’s too personal, maybe because it’s so easy to misinterpet as mechanical, but for whatever reason I don’t love the idea. However, this is a funny story that probably won’t offend anyone (except one guy who I don’t mind offending.)

The 2004 Pickup Artist Convention, which I had organized, was held in Los Angeles, CA. Normally I’m rather lazy about going out and meeting people. I find it very frustrating to find women I’m genuinely interested in, and the allure of talking to women for practice is much less than it was when I first got into the Pickup Artist thing.

However, during PUA conventions, I wasn’t lazy. No one was. It was a chance to shine, and show people how good you were in the field.

I was holding court with two typical club girls at The Standard in West Hollywood, which was right down the street from our house. They were very pretty, but simultaneously very boring. It’s a common combination, especially in LA.

As we sat and bantered, I was aware of everything going on. During PUA events there is always a crowd of guys from all over the world who come to watch the more experienced guys in action. They’re too afraid or unskilled to do the approaches, so they live vicariously through us. Also in attendance was my friend Hayden.

There are certain rules we play by. They’re not formalized and written down, but they’re understood. One of them is that unless he’s expecting you, you don’t interrupt a conversation between your wingman and girls.

Hayden interrupted my conversation. He looked hesitant.

“Ty… Hey… Can I talk to you for a minute?”

It was strange. The girls noticed this as well. I introduced the girls to him, assuming he wanted to come sit with us and meet one of them himself. It wasn’t an orthodox procedure, but I didn’t care. I was doing little more than showboating for the onlookers.

“I just need to borrow you for two seconds… it’s important.”

What could be so important? Curiousity piqued, I stood up and followed him a few feet away.

“Topanga is at Mel’s”

“What??”

Mel’s Diner is a popular after hours diner in West Hollywood. Incidentally it was also about 50 feet away from our house. In fact, Mystery and I had conducted a number of contests involvind Mel’s parking lot. Could we throw oranges down the hill and land them in the parking lot? Yep. Who could make a paper plane fly closer the restaurant? Neither of us.

“Jay just called because he knows you like her. She’s eating with some people at Mel’s right now. You should leave.”

I returned to the girls and hastily excused myself. They were visibly startled - girls like that don’t normally have guys like me ditching them for ANY reason.

On my way over to Mel’s I called Jay. He told me that she was with five other people, sitting in the middle of the restaurant, with no extra chairs at the table. As far as logistics go, it doesn’t get any worse than this. Ideally a girl you’re interested in will be sitting with one or two friends in a less conspicuous area with an extra chair at the table. From there it’s just a matter of “passing by” and “striking up a converstaion” and sitting in the extra seat. Within minutes you’re part of their group and they forget that you’re some random guy who took one of their chairs.

From time to time I battle with approach anxiety. I see a group of beautiful girls and don’t want to approach. Sometimes I’m scared and sometimes I’m just apathetic. However, when there’s a celebrity involved, there’s no anxiety. The reward is so great that it outweighs any risk. I’d previously kissed Leelee Sobieski, but had failed to recognize who she was. In real life she was charming, but not outrageously attractive. A celebrity is a notch on the belt that anyone wants - PUA or not. The validation of having someone who could have anyone interested in you is incomparable.

Finally, I arrived at Mel’s. I walked in with no hesitation. Any awkwardness could be sensed a mile away and would ruin it. With a girl of this caliber, there is no room for error.

I glanced around. The tables were packed with pickup artist and pickup artist wannabes from all over the world. Jay had kept them at bay because he know how much I liked Danielle. It was as if I was entering a boxing ring - all eyes were on me, Danielle, and her table.

Her table consisted of three couples. They were obviously on a triple date. This wasn’t good. Danielle was sitting in the middle of the table, her date on the edge that I was closest to. I walked almost past the table and glanced back casually. She really was beautiful. It wasn’t that she had better hair, or a better figure, or even a better face than anyone else. She just had a huge smile that beamed confidence and contentment. I was attracted instantly.

“Hey guys,” I started, “I need your opinion on something….”

I’d delivered the same exact line a thousand times. Thanks to Neil’s book, thousands of other people have delivered it as well.

I continued into the 80’s Dogs opener. The premise is that a neighbor has two dogs and wants to name them after an 80s rock duo. Does the group have any suggestions?

There was a pause. The guys were baffled that I would just walk up like that and start talking. The girls were scrutinizing me for any hint of insecurity.

One of the other girls offered, “How about Hall and Oats?”

I’d heard that answer a million times.

“Hey! That is a good one!”

Hey… what else am I going to say? Danielle was still staring at me without answering. Her friends had accepted me, but she wasn’t convinced. Her date was even less convinced.

“Dude! I have an opinion for you. Take that feather boa off and leave!”

While his grasp on the Enlish language may be in question, his intent certainly wasn’t. He was threatened and didn’t like that I was there at all. In a sense, I had messed up. The idea is to not convey that I’m anything more than a curious passer by. The awkward logistics made that nearly impossible, though.

The truth is that in all my experience, I had never really encountered a hostile guy. Most guys would either befriend me or just become silent and dejected as their girls became attracted to me. This was new.

I ignored him and continued on. This seemed to work for a little while. I bantered back and forth with the group.

“Axl and Rose.”

Danielle finally answered. She had been thinking the whole time. That too was a typical answer, but I agreed that it was a good name. I could tell by the look on her face that she was proud of it. Unfortunately her date wasn’t impressed at all. He ramped up the volume and made it impossible for me to stay there. It had become slightly awkward for me to be standing there anyway - I desperately needed a chair to sit in.

“Is he always this much of a dick?” I asked the group. The other two girls regretfully replied that he was.

“Well… I’d hate to continue offending him. It was good to meet you.”

I walked off, rejected. If there was an empty chair where he was sitting, I believe I would have been able to join the group and get to know everyone in it, but I didn’t. There are ways to effectively deal with hostile guys (called AMOGs), but wasn’t good at them.

As a last resort, to regain my pride, and to regain any respect lost from the onlookers, I approached another group of two girls and one guy. They were sitting right near the exit, where Danielle would have to pass by.

Within a few minutes I was sitting at their table and was being offered food. I was in. Still sidetracked by Danielle, I wasn’t particularly interested in the group. They were fun, but I was talking to them with a purpose.

When Danielle’s group paid the check and started walking to the door, I got ready.

Just as she passed, I delivered a joke with perfect comedic timing. The group erupted and she turned to see what the disturbance was. I turned and grinned at her, as if to say “See? Look what you missed out on.”

She wouldn’t forget me, I was sure, and hopefully I would meet her again. Unfortunately, I never did. Maybe one of you knows her, or knows someone who knows her, and will have her read this. I’d love to hear whether she remembers it or not. I’ll bet she does.