I love doing stuff that normal people don’t do. Especially stuff that seems crazy but is actually really good for you. Let’s add another one to the list - eating raw eggs!

Being a raw foodist, the only “meat” I eat is the occasional fish. That basically makes me a vegan. The biggest problem with being a vegan is that you naturally don’t get enough B12.

“But what about the vegan animals?” you might ask. Well, most herbivores actually consume a lot of bugs when eating plants. Those bugs provide the B12. Without B12 you can get depressed lose your energy, or become a hideously deformed troll (just a guess).

I was researching ways to get my B12 without taking a supplement (I’ve never swallowed a pill before in my life), and I found a site about eating raw eggs. It turns out that salmonella bacteria only cause a problem in people with weak immune systems. Why do people have weak immune system? Because they don’t consume enough bacteria.

That’s right… Bacteria (in proper doses) is good for you!

In fact, if you build up a reasonable tolerance to bacteria, you all but eliminate your chances of contracting disease in foreign countries by drinking the water. Thus, the benefits of eating raw eggs is two fold.

I don’t remember why, but you only eat the yolk, and not the sac that holds the yolk. If you start out eating too much, you will get sick (just temporary, not a big deal), so you start off with half a teaspoon for a week, and then a full teaspoon, and then one yolk, and then two yolks. Two yolks gives you the full amount of B12 that you need every day, and more doesn’t really provide any benefit.

Interestingly, the reason that most people eat yolks isn’t for the B12 or the bacteria. They consider these to be side benefits. Most people eat yolks because doing so is apparently excellent for your skin.

Luckily for me, my friend Kristin has a chicken coop and is going to give me some really fresh eggs. Until then I decided to just get the best ones I could from a store.

Tonight was my first try. I cracked the raw egg at my desk, poured the white into a cup and stared down the yolk. All my years of being warned not to eat raw eggs were coming back. I poked into the yolk with a spoon and got a little more than half a teaspoon.

Hesistantly I sipped the yolk. Wow! It’s actually pretty good. It tastes like a custard that isn’t very sweet and is thicker than I expected. After I finished, I found myself wanting to eat the rest of the yolk, but I’ll stick to the recommended amount for a while.

I’m pretty psyched about this new development. A lot of animals eat the raw eggs of other animals, so it stands to reason that I would too. Who knows? Maybe I’ll be chasing down gazelles by next year and eating huge chunks of their flesh with my bare teeth. I mean… I wouldn’t predict it necessarily, but then again who thought I’d be eating raw eggs?

Ok, I officially LOVE raw food. I started eating raw about five weeks ago, and have been 99% raw since (my trespasses? a tiny brownie, a few sprouted grain english muffins, and a stupid eggplant pizza). Let’s do the math on this baby :

First I ate 100% of whatever I wanted. I loved fried foods, desserts, and pizza. Thanks to miraculous metabolism, I never gained too much weight. Then I read Fantastic Voyage : Live Long Enough to Live Forever, hacked away at my diet, and cut out probably 70% of the foods I used to eat. Later I researched more and cut out 90% of those foods, leaving me eating about 7% of what I initially ate. I wrote a book called The Skinny Snob about that. Going raw eliminated at least 70% of those foods, so now I’m down to about 2-3% of the foods I ate a year ago. Based on my daily diet I would consider that wholly accurate.

Now… that is a wild change. Especially coming from me. I would constantly mock anyone trying to go on a diet and explain that you should just eat whatever you wanted. No amount of logic would get me to change. What did get me to change was my inclination to try things for 7 or 30 days, and the accompanying drastic results.

Try it!

Despite it being a huge interruption to normal life, I would HIGHLY reccomend that everyone try going raw for at least a week. Most changes need 30 days to full experience them, but honestly you will notice the difference with raw food in only a week. If you’re an Austinite, then just go to the downtown Whole Foods and buy 7 days worth of meals. The people who work there are cool and can help you work around the short shelf lives of some of the foods. Hell, if there are enough people here I would even host a week long raw food extravaganza.

The biggest noticeable change is that I look a lot healthier. My eyes are brighter, my skin is more vibrant, and maybe my hair is better. I have a lot more energy and I feel like my mood is even higher on average than it used to be. I need less sleep, and I feel MUCH better after every meal.

Eating meals is a complete joy because not only is the food delicious, but I can imagine how much my body loves it and how it puts every ingredient to good use. Even after eating the largest meal, I my stomach feels fine and my energy isn’t sapped.

But what do Raw Foodists actually eat?

I think there’s the perception that all we eat is salad all day, but that’s not true at all. Here are some of my favorite things to eat :

Breakfast

• Raw granola
• Apples, Oranges, Bananas, Kiwis, Mangoes, or other fruits
• Cinnamon Date Mana Bread (raw bread that tastes sorta like a muffin)
• Oatmeal (I’ve been too lazy to make this so far, because it takes 5 days)
• Raw ice cream

Lunch or Dinner

• Asian vegetable salad
• Raw meatloaf
• Nut burgers (these things are SO good)
• Sashimi and seaweed salad
• Tostadas (my FAVORITE thing at Whole Foods Austin)
• Regular “boring” salad with greens, avocadoes, peppers, olive oil and lemons
• Raw Lasagna

Snacks

• Almonds
• Rosemary crackers
• Flax seed crackers and guacamole
• Fruit
• Larabars (these things are also like dessert) or Organic Food Bars
• Cucumbers or Carrots in hummus

Desserts

• Key Lime Pie (this is better than ANY cooked Key lime pie I’ve ever had - including the one I had in Key West)
• Raw Cheesecake (I don’t even like real cheesecake, but this is ridiculously good)
• Raw cookies
• Raw ice cream

Obviously there are a million more great things to eat, but these are some of my staples that I really enjoy. In that Raw Food/Real World book there are 100 recipes, and I’ve only done 1 of them so far.

Luckily, I just got my dehydrator. It is the mack daddy of all dehydrators, the Excalibur 2900. I’m pretty sure that all raw food restaurants use this particular workhorse (Whole Foods has 10 of them), as do most serious Raw Foodists. I just got it two days ago and so far all I’ve made was raw popcorn which was really gross. Next up is raw onion rings, and after that I’m going to start making normal stuff like flax seed crackers and the recipes from Raw Food/Real World. They have some little tacos that look particularly tasty as well as coconut almond macaroons.

Cooked Food is Gross

This will seem weird, but cooked food seems really gross to me now. Maybe I’ve brainwashed myself - I don’t know. But when I see someone cooking over a stove I just think “wow… that is really gross. I can’t believe people eat that”. The more you eat raw the more you realize that it is logically (and practically) the best diet possible. No animals eat cooked food. Our bodies could not POSSIBLY evolve fast enough to be designed for cooked food. Cooking destroys nutrients and alters the original balance of the food. It makes so much sense that I can’t imagine how I never tried this before. I guess I just had too much of a closed mind. Really even after hearing about it I was highly skeptical until I tried it myself for a week.

The Transition

Believe it or not, is has been EASY to transition to raw food. This is totally counterintuitive and unexpected.

A couple months ago I tried going Vegan for a couple weeks and I found it to be awful. It felt restrictive and I didn’t feel any better than when I was eating my Skinny Snob diet, which is much more permissive. Within two weeks I gave up on the diet.

Raw food has a different feel. You WANT to do it because you feel great after every meal. Instead of feeling like you’re restricting your diet, you feel like you’ve uncovered a whole new world of great foods that you never knew existed. Ironically, being Raw is vegan (although I still eat raw fish on occasion), but much more restrictive. It just doesn’t feel that way.

I’ve never once craved any sort of meat (which previously was a major staple of my diet) or really any other food. Occasionally when I’m really hungry and it’s late at night and I have no food left I will crave the CONVENIENCE of normal food, but never the actual foods themselves.

I’m normally not preachy, but I believe so strongly that everyone has got to at least try this. The problem is that most raw foodists seem to be total nutcases with bizarre theories involving the life force of food and stuff like that which really puts me off. The best reason to go raw is because it is what your body wants and because you will feel and look better within days. If I get around to it, I’m going to write an ebook helping people make the transition without any annoying hippie speak.

Let’s say you just joined a new club, online community, or perhaps even a team. Some people like being the peon members of the group, which is very fortunate, because without those people, no group would be very good.

But beyond the general masses is usually a smaller group of respected, and usually more priviledged individuals. In this article, I’ll call those people “the inner circle”. Within that inner circle there are decision makers - the members that have the power and duty to control the very nature and future of that group. To make this article a little more jargony and cool sounding, I’ll call those people the kings.

Today I’m going to teach you how to go from being a peasant to a king in a relatively short amount of time. Is this possible? It has been for me. The two best examples, which I will trace my involvement with through this article, are my interactions with the pickup community and with the gambling community.

To give a quick background, the pickup community is a huge confederation of thousands of men, and a few women, who endeavor to become more appealing to the opposite sex. There is a public forum called Fast Seduction where everyone congregates. There are a great many factions in the community, most of which are on bad terms with at least one other group. There’s Mystery Method, Real Social Dynamics, Gunwitch, Pickup101, Badboy, Fidentia, and several others. In addition there is a private forum called “Mystery’s Lounge” where the elite 100 or so members of the community hang out. That means that these people represent at least the top .1%, if not less. Technically speaking, Mystery’s lounge has been renamed and a new forum has sprung up called Mystery’s lounge. To make things simple, when I say Mystery’s lounge, I am always referring to the more exclusive one.

The gambling community was never as large as the pickup community, but it was still made up of a few thousand members. What makes it interesting is that everyone involved has a financial interest in the community. This hinders information flow somewhat. Within the large community was a once-secret group simply called “private”. Private had only 40-50 members and being a member of it certainly meant a higher income. Later in the game private went to the wayside in favor of a smaller core group as well as exclusive secret groups outside of the main population.

These aren’t the only two societies I’ve risen to the top of, but they are probably among the most impressive and both are very good illustrations of my method.

A natural reaction for many readers may be the thought that manipulation shouldn’t be encouraged… let the strong rise to the top and the weak to the bottom. In general, I agree with that. However, I find that most communities favor the status quo. Those at the top like peace and don’t want to admit anyone who may usurp their position. Many times, though, the most worthy are not at the top. For example, the music industry is notoriously difficult to crack (I’m working on it). I’m generally a fairly mainstream rap fan. I like Jay-Z, Nas, Kanye, Biggie, Tupac, Eminem, Dre, etc. Sure I have some more eclectic tastes as well, but they don’t make up the majority of my preferences. With that in mind - my absolute favorite rapper is an underground legend named DZK. Despite being, in my opinion, more talented than any commercial act right now, he doesn’t have widespread fame. I believe that’s about to change, because he’s finally putting effort into it, but my point is that the best doesn’t rise to the top without action.

The purpose of becoming a king in a group is to add value to the group, make it stronger, and embrace the next generation to join. Sneaking in to benefit yourself without helping others is never the right play.

Step One : Identify the Leaders

It’s important to know who you are going to eventually be joining. Make sure you know who actually makes decisions and who is a member of the core group. Sometimes there are several core groups and you need to determine which is really at the top of the food chain. If you deserve to be at the top - get there.

In the PUA group (pick up artist group) I identified Mystery’s Lounge as the end goal. It was regarded as the Garden of Eden for pickup information and connections. Equally important was status in the main Fastseduction group, particularly being respected by Formhandle, the moderator and owner of the forum.

In the gambling group I knew private existed, so I wanted to join that. It was pretty clear who most of the members were.

Step Two : Shake things Up

This is an important step, and probably the most ignored one. For change to happen, things must be shaken up. Most people aren’t great at dealing with change, but you will become a master of it. This gives you a good chance to quickly ascend the ranks while the others are trying to get their bearings.

I don’t mean to do anything malicious. I mean to do something drastic that draws attention to you and separates you from the masses. In general the inner circles don’t have much regard for the commoners as a group (although usually they will respect some of them, arguably a middle class). An important factor of shaking things up is putting yourself in a position where people HAVE to notice you and probably have to deal with you.

Outside of my two case studies, it’s pretty obvious that I’m trying to break into the blogging world (I will never say blogosphere - I promise). With millions of blogs out there, it’s not an easy field. However, within two months I have been able to go from 10 readers a day to 4000 (if you average out the huge spikes), and I keep going. To shake it up here, I posted some stories which I knew would get massive publicity like the Ghetto Pool story, the UT Tunnel story, and most recently the Living with Courtney Love story. I knew that these stories would put me in front of a lot of eyeballs, which would force people to notice my blog and read it. I managed to get on the front page of digg, college humor, delicious, shoutwire, reddit, fazed, and leenks. Thanks to those services, over 150,000 different people saw my blog in a month, and a number of them became regular readers.

In the PUA world, I had a tougher time. The year prior to my entry played host to the world’s first Pickup Artist summit, held in Boston by Formhandle. It was a small event, but it attracted some of the biggest names in the business - a perfect setting to get noticed. But I missed it. I decided that to shake things up I would host the next one that year. That meant that although I would have to do some work (read : bring value), the best in the game would be forced to deal with me. I e-mailed Formhandle with my plan, and he ignored me.

He simply got too much e-mail and to him I was still one of the peons. So I had to get a little bold. I saw a post that he made that I didn’t disagree with, and I publicly called him on it. Normally I would ignore it, but I needed to get noticed. He wrote back, and then to avoid a further flame war I e-mailed him to apologize and settle it privately. After that he always responded to my e-mails and agreed to help me organize the PUA summit. A sidenote : I’m sure he’s forgiven me for my rudeness… today we’re friends and we hang out every time we’re in the same city.

Gambling was interesting. Sometimes there’s no convenient way to shake things up, so you must wait for an opportunity. As with anything, opportunities come frequently if you’re looking for them. The previous owner of the gambling forum wasn’t actually a gambler himself, which was breeding discontent amongst the ranks. We wanted fewer members to protect our secrets, he wanted more to increase revenues. To resolve the situation he agreed to sell the forum for a rather high price. I immediately told the purchaser I was interested in purchasing the forum. I was interested, but what was more important is that I knew that he would be a king soon. It’s a good idea to be friends with the kings.

The sale got botched, but it was good enough. Through him I had been introduced to others. I made good friends with one of the more influential members (not strategically) and he told me that if I started my own forum that he could bring most of the members with him. Sure enough I started my own forum and everyone moved over. Within a month I went from a nobody to one of the most important people in the community.

Step Two and a half : Take Power

Notice how in both of the examples I took a leadership role? All kings are in some sort of leadership role, formal or informal. The sooner you take one, the quicker your ascent will be. You don’t need to kick someone out of their position either, just create a new role that you’re good at that will benefit the group. Maybe you’ll organize events for the group, or archive materials. It doesn’t really matter - just make it important and hopefully well known.

Step Three : Cement your Role

Being at the top can be tricky. If you’re part of the top 1%, that means that the other 99% are jockeying for your position. Now it’s time to really flesh out your role in the group and make some ties. This is usually easy because others at the top will be like minded and you’ll naturally befriend them.

In the PUA world I did run the summit, but by that time I had moved in with three of the other kings and began teaching with one of them. Not only was I invited to join the lounge, but I was also in charge of the membership there, being the one person with the final say on who was a member and who wasn’t.

In the gambling scene I shared information with other top guys to show that I wasn’t deadweight. Of course the information they then shared with me was even more valuable.

Some people say that if you have no enemies, you’re doing something wrong. I’m conflicted on whether or not I subscribe to that notion, but I try to avoid enemies. My philosophy is that most people who rise to the inner circle are probably reasonably interesting people and some benefit can be gained by being on good terms with them.

My involvement in the gambling community faded over the years as I became more independent, but before that I was friends with everyone. In a few cases I was friends with two bitter enemies and had to help moderate.

In the PUA scene even though I am fairly inactive in the community today, I am probably friends with more top guys than anyone else.

It’s ok to be friends with rivals. Just make sure you do not fuel their rivalry. It may be tempting at times to share stories and information from one faction to the other, but this is a huge mistake. If you can’t be trusted to keep your mouth shut, you will soon find yourself shunned by both.

It’s also important to continually add value to the group. Deadweight may get a few months tenure, but inevitably someone has to be removed to make room for the new. Every community has members who are not actively improving the community, and they are the first to go.

Even though I barely ever go out anymore, I still offer value to the pickup community by sharing my ideas and stories, and also giving information on my other areas of expertise.

Go Do It!

Now you have everything you need to know to become a king of your community. Everyone is in some sort of community (even if it’s just your family or friend group), so start now and hopefully with your help your group will grow even stronger.

Also, watch for how I rise to the top of both the blogging world, but soon the rap industry.

Normally I’d be very hesitant to write about a celebrity - especially one who trusted me with her personal life by moving in with my friends and I. But… this is Courtney Love, so anything’s fair game. Just kidding.

Actually I don’t have a moral objection writing about her because I have basically only good things to say, and also because similar stories were already published in The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. In case you missed the How I Became a Famous Pickup Artist series, The Game is a book which chronicles our adventures, written by the literary mastermind Neil Strauss, who was also a roommate at the time.

Meeting Courtney

Mystery and I were in New York preparing to be on Good Morning America. Ultimately we didn’t get on because Mystery’s flamboyant character and dress offended the conservative and frumpy program director, and they canned the segment at the last minute. Neil was asked to write a story about Courtney Love for The Rolling Stone. He had never met her before. As Mystery and I waited for our workshop to begin we got a call from Neil. He had forgotten his tape recorder and wanted to know if we’d bring it to him.

A chance to meet Courtney Love? Why not? We got the recorder, got a cab, and headed to her loft. She came down, looking better than I expected, and thanked us for helping. She had heard about the pickup artist thing and asked us a few questions about it. The interaction lasted just a couple minutes before she and Neil went upstairs to continue the interview. Overall I didn’t think too much of the experience.

Her Fans

I was never a Courtney Love fan. In fact, I’d barely even heard her music. Since getting into music I really didn’t listen to much other than hip hop.

I remember the first time I heard of her, though. I was only 12 or so, and I had my first girlfriend, Rachel, who I met at camp. Back then having a girlfriend was nothing more than a title. I’m not convinced I even kissed Rachel, but I had a little picture of her on my wall that I displayed with pride. Apparently a long distance relationship where neither of us talked wasn’t exactly what she had in mind, and she eventually dumped me. She told me that she looked like Courtney Love, and that her new boyfriend looked like Kurt. Beaming with pride, she related a story where someone yelled at her from a bus asking if she was Courtney Love. In retrospect, I don’t see the resemblance.

Eventually, I actually heard her music.

I had moved to Austin, Texas, my freshman year of high school. Coming from Boston, I wasn’t used to the heat at all. Being lazy, I didn’t want to play sports. Our tyrant of a baseball teacher ignored both concerns and put me in right field to play baseball.

“Come on cupcake. Get after that ball! If you ain’t gonna play, then you can just SIT OUT.”

The ball had rolled a foot away from me and my apathy warned me sternly not to go after the ball. Sitting out seemed like a fine option, so I joined the two other outcasts under the shade of a fold out table. They glanced at me quickly and then resumed their discussion on whether or not it was a wise idea to fill a bong with wine rather than water.

After realizing that I didn’t even know what a bong was, they began to explain everything. I’d never even met anyone who did drugs (that I knew of) until then. My education continued as my friendship with one of the kids, Jared, developed. Despite the fact that I had never touched a drug, alcohol, or cigarette, and the fact that he had abused nearly every drug as well as alcohol and cigarettes, we got along very well. He used to always talk about how Courtney Love was his favorite person in the world and how he would do anything to meet her. A couple years later we had drifted apart and he died from a drug overdose. I think if he knew how well I came to know Courtney, he would have really been amused.

Courtney Moves In

A few weeks after the New York trip, Neil approached the members of Project Hollywood.

“Hey… how would you guys feel about Courtney Love moving in with us for a few days?”

She had called him, saying that she moved back to LA and needed to be around people. She had a very nice penthouse on Wilshire Dr., but claimed that it was too corporate for her tastes.

It was an easy decision, but figuring out where to stash her was a more difficult problem. Every bedroom was full, and offering one of the most famous women in the US a couch seemed a bit too ironic. Being Neil’s guest, his room was the obvious choice, but he had lots of notes and tapes, many of which covered his interview with her. He was worried that if she read them she might be offended.

So I offered my room. I figured that it would at least be an interesting story, and Neil offered me his bed in return. An hour later, she showed up at the door. She was right at home instantly.

Neil and I gave her a tour of the house. She generously offered to decorate our place for us if we could cover the necessary quarter million dollars in furniture and accessories that we would need. At that moment I realized that Courtney was in her own big world, and that we were going to find ourselves right in the middle of it.

A Strange Relationship

Courtney was both the daughter of the house and the mother of the house. One day she’d be putting out plates of muffins to make sure we had enough to eat and kicking out a girl who needed to go (Gabby). The next day I’d be up at night with her trying to figure out where her money went and reassure her that it was going to be fine.

Other than Neil, I got along with her better than anyone. I was happy to listen to her bizarre stories and struggles, would drive her around from time to time, and didn’t want anything from her. She was also overwhelmingly generous. Despite having most of her money stolen from her, she invited us to take anything we wanted from her apartment.

Fascinated, we ventured to her penthouse one night. The door was unlocked, as she said it would be. She had lost the key. The apartment was beautifully furnished, but we felt weird taking her stuff. Finally we compromised and stuffed our faces with a one pound box of godiva chocolates that we found. They would have gone bad by the time she got back anyway. Maybe.

Further prodding resulted in more visits where we actually did take a few things. I took her ipod and a really cool antique lamp, as well as some cool pillows to use in our pillow pit. I later offered to give her her stuff back, since I considered it a loan more than anything, but she said not to worry about it.

The Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches

Perhaps the funniest thing about Courtney was how she made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Until I met her, I didn’t realize that there was a normal way to make sandwiches, and also a rockstar way to do it.

Courtney would not be troubled by those annoying plastic clips that keep bread bags closed. With two hands she would tear apart the top of the bag and take the best slices of bread directly from the middle of the loaf. A mere mortal might worry that the bread would go stale and be unsuitable for further sandwiches. Not Courtney - there were at least five residents of the house, each with their own loaf of bread. Plenty of bags to rip.

She usually spent long periods of time in my room, examining the boxes and boxes of papers she had moved in. Her money had been stolen and she was determined to find out who did it. Thus, when she did leave the room to make sandwiches, she made lots of them.

Six or eight slices of bread would be harvested from the bag and laid on any clean (or semi-clean [or completely filthy]) counter surface. What happens next is a bit of a mystery. I never saw the sandwiches being made, but I certainly saw the aftermath.

You could tell where the sanwiches were, because surrounding their former positions was a layer of peanut butter and jelly. Inside the jars (which were left on the counter) would be at least two spoons. Sometimes more.

I’m no forensics expert, but it’s fairly obvious that she scooped up as much peanut butter and jelly with the spoons and carpet bombed the entire counter.

Did we mind the mess? Not particularly. It was amusing for one, and secondly she had the most amazing maids in the entire world. They would come to our house and make it look like a hotel. I’m pretty sure that if you just sent these two people to iraq, they would have the whole mess cleaned up in 24 hours at most.

Streaking

Courtney didn’t always wear many clothes. It’s not that she’s an exhibitionist. It’s just that if she’s more comfortable without clothes, then she’s not wearing any. In fact, I groggily stepped downstairs from Neil’s room the first night that she was in mine to find her at the bottom of the stairs in mesh panties. Surrounding her were the other inhabitants of the house, spellbound by her explanation of the conspiracy which resulted in her money being stolen (I’m actually pretty convinced that it was stolen, too).

Because of her high profile, we tried to keep it to ourselves that she was living with us. Other members of the pickup community weren’t made aware of our houseguest, nor were students of workshops - usually.

One day Mystery and I were teaching a seminar in our living room. Mystery was detailing the finer points of calling a girl when the double doors to my room burst open. Out came courtney, topless. She ran across the living room and into Mystery’s room.

The students looked at her, at each other, and then at us for a possible explanation.

“Was that…. ”

“… Courtney Love?” finished another student.

Before we could answer, she ran back across the living room back into my room. Yes. It was Courtney Love.

I later asked her what that was about and she said “I was trying to help you guys. It was social proof!”

Indeed it was. Social proof is essentially the concept that people who hold impressive company are thought to be impressive people themselves. In pickup this translates in many ways, one of which is having a cool friend out with you so that you can both reflect well on each other. Courtney was always fascinated by our trade. During later seminars she and a band mate or two would sit quietly in the corner and observe - with clothes on.

Crazy?

Before Courtney came to live with us, I bought into the general perception that she is crazy. The truth, though, is that she is actually extremely bright. She’s a mountain of quirks, but they just contribute to her being one of the most entertaining people I’ve ever been around. After witnessing how strong her personality was, I realized why she was famous and I wasn’t.

Over the months that she lived with us, we all fell in love with her. Despite her rock star status, she became part of our motley family. We’d sit all sit on the couch together and sing 90s alternative songs, she brought us to the tonight show when she was a guest there, and she’d try to help resolve any of our many disputes.

I’ll probably write a follow up to this post eventually - I have many other stories with her. There are also some in Neil’s book (the second half is all about our house and our drama), The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists.

So yesterday I returned to UT Austin to talk to the Weird Science class about polyphasic sleep. I was initially going to have a cool powerpoint presentation and stuff like that, but I sorta forgot. In fact, I forgot to prepare what I was going to talk about at all.

I used to be extremely shy and nervous about talking to groups, only getting over it when I became a pick up artist. Ever since getting over that fear, I really enjoy public speaking.

We got to the class a little late, but it didn’t matter. The class is so laid back that people just chat for the first few minutes in the beginning anyway. After about 10 minutes or so the teacher introduced me and I launched into my presentation.

It’s funny, because if I was assigned a presentation I would probably not want to do it, but since there was no real obligation to do it, I was happy to speak. The presentation went really well, I think. Most of the people seemed interested for the whole time, which was good. That’s probably my one fear with public speaking - that I’ll be really into some topic and everyone else will be playing snake on their phone.

I spoke for about an hour, including some discussion and questions. The questions were interesting - they ranged from…

…the expected : “do you have to eat more?” to
…the unexpected : “has your sexual performance been any different?” to
…the bizarre : “do you have to pee more than usual?”

(Yes, No more complaints than usual, and no idea for those curious)

Oh, also this girl named Taryn (is that how you spell it? It looks a lot like my name… nice combination of letters!) pointed out that I was extremely pale and that I should go outside. I feel like I am average in complexion, but apparently not. SO…. I am happy to report that I am in a deck chair in my back porch writing this right now. Watch out for a tall and DARK guy who is still better than your boyfriend in an area near you. Or at least a back porch not really near you.

Overall I had a good time . The teacher wasn’t feeling too well, so she let everyone out of class early. I was happy about this as I had a nap to catch but wanted to go to Whole Foods. At the end of class Taryn said that she had something for me in my car. After quelling the flashbacks to my childhood involving creepy men giving me candy in their child-molestor-vans, I followed her outside.

I was surprised when instead of murdering me, raping me, or doing both she gave me a cool new hat! It’s like the silver sparkly one, but is red. I was wearing a red shirt, so it matched perfectly. Thanks, Taryn, and sorry for calling you a murderer. And a rapist.

Sporting the new hat, we then proceeded to Whole Foods. Here in Austin they opened up the world headquarters of Whole Foods, which is absolutely unbelievable. It’s probably the best grocery store in the world. Perhaps even the universe. Everyone has their reason for loving it, but my favorite (obviously) is the Raw Food cafe.

We first stopped off at the bakery to visit my friend Jenny. Apparently she’s worked there for months, but I’ve never seen her because I don’t go to the bakery section. Jenny is really cool… she’s a good chef and used to bake pies for me when I came to visit her at Southwest Texas (that’s a school). I think she may have been offended that I don’t eat any of the ingredients she uses to make her confections now, though. Oh well.

Hayden and I then went to the Raw Food Cafe and ordered raw tostadas and key lime pie. I can’t even begin to tell you how good these things were. I really want to move closer to Whole Foods so that I can just go there for 3 of my meals every day. I then bought enough premade raw food to last me for the whole week, including Bell Peppers, Falafel, Raweos (raw oreos, but they’re gross), Lasagna, Kale salad, and some other stuff.

I checked out and just as I was walking to the exit, my friend Elisia walked by! I swear… I should just hang out at Whole foods because it’s the one place almost all of my friends go. Elisia, if you don’t remember, is the one who got me hooked on raw food in the first place. She has also been doing well sticking to the raw food. She told me the Raweos would be gross, but I didn’t believe her. Oh well.

Then as I was talking to Elisia, my friend Jessica (from the Diet Book post) walked by. She chatted for a few minutes but was just picking something up for her sister’s birthday and had to go. Anyway… my point is that Whole Foods rocks… they have raw food and apparently all of my friends live there.

I’m actually kind of hesitant to post this here, because I hate it when people build up a blog with quality stuff and then start whoring it out by promoting their products. I guess this does promote my book, but I’m writing it because I feel great! Here’s the story:

A while back I decided to go nuts and start eating super healthy. It really made a huge difference for me and I wanted to get into web marketing because friends were making money in it, so I wrote a book. I thought the book came out great. It was short, but had everything in it that I wanted, so I figured that people would appreciate that it’s right to the point.

Months later, I make a little bit of money off it every month, but probably not enough that it’s actually worth the hassle. I get a good amount of people gushing about how it’s helped them, but I also get people returning it before trying it because it’s short. This really pisses me off because it WOULD work if they would just do it, but people want weird complicated books to make excuses about how hard it is to lose weight. But still, I refuse to pad it with filler, because I want people who are serious about losing weight to be able to do it without being insulted by a padded book.

Anyway… today I got an e-mail that made me really happy. Check it out :

Hi Dana (that’s my pen name),

I just want to send you this email and thank you for changing my life. I don’t know how I got to your website, but I am so glad that I did. Since starting your lifestyle change(I dont say the word diet anymore), I have lost 15 lbs in about 3.5 weeks. I also feel so amazing and happy. My skin is clearer, my hair looks amazing, and I get compliments every single day.

For all the people out looking at this website and thinking that it can’t really be true, it most certainly is. I am tried everything in order to lose weight…pills, low fat diets, high fat diets and they all left me wanting more and craving foods. This is the best purchase of my life and educates anybody on how your body handles food.

Dana, thank you for making this as simple as possible, showing ways to incorporate heathly eating into our busy lives,and giving every single person a chance at being beautiful inside and out.

Respectfully,

Amy

I don’t make much money, but when I get e-mails like that it makes it totally worth it. Also today I saw my friend Jessica. She’s an actress who caught a big break early, but was having trouble getting work recently. I gave her a copy of my book and now she looks great and just landed a national commercial. Obviously I can’t claim all the credit or anything, but I’m glad to have contributed to her success in whatever way I did. Go Jess!

Ladies? Yeah! Ladies! Yeah? Wanna roll in my Mercedes? Hell yeah! Then shake it! Shake it! Shake that healthy butt.

Baby got back.

Ahem. Ladies.. this one’s for you. Indirectly, it’s for me. Today we’re going to take a critical and mildly chauvinistic look at what makes a woman more attractive to a guy.

I’m going to assume, for argument’s sake, that you’re looking for an ideal guy. Some of you have issues and would prefer a trailer rat like K-fed or a submissive wimp because you’re domineering. These tips will probably help you with that, but there’s no guarantee.

Though I’m impressed with myself on a daily basis for remaining so humble and modest, I’m going to propose that I’m the ideal man, or as close as one can find in this crazy crazy world. Witty, charming, moderately tall, an ass that just doesn’t quit, and all body parts intact. Yep. I’m the complete package. To move more into the objective realm, most girls like me and I’ve never been broken up with. So it’s a start.

First, let’s tackle looks.

“Looks don’t matter. It’s what’s inside that counts. I have a weak grasp on reality,” they whine.

Check it. Looks matter. They always will, until our collective social skills crumble to point where no one leaves the house and people date online exclusively. Honestly, I can’t wait because then I can date AND play freecell simultaneously. Early experiments with that combination in present society have proven to be a failure, unfortunately.

First, hit the gym and start eating healthy. You think you’re skinny enough and healthy enough? Probably not. I literally know one girl who is skinny enough (maybe too skinny) to the point that she shouldn’t hit the gym and eat healthy (she already does). Maybe you’re already ok, but losing 3-5 pounds and getting more toned would help. Forget what that chart says about what your “healthy weight” is. You don’t want to be in the middle of that. Be on the low end.

Also, when you’re at the gym, do cardio. Jog, run, step on some stairs. Despite what those freaky freaky body building magazines may tell you, muscly women are gross. (Ok, fine.. if you know what you’re doing then you can do some weights to tone.)

When you eat healthy foods your skin looks much better, your hair is shiny and smooth, and you have energy. Bad skin, dull hair, and lethargy aren’t on anyone’s top ten list - I promise. Also, it’s a clear indicator that you take care of yourself, and thus respect yourself. This is good.

Now, you might think you have to be a 10. You’re right. Actually, I’m just kidding. We’d love for you to be a 10, but looks aren’t the only factor. An 8 with a killer personality beats a 10 with a boring personality anyday. Well… not any day, but most days. Even a 7 is going to be good enough if you really have a great personality. Below that… keep working.

The good news is that basically any girl can become a 7 or an 8 with some work. Getting to the lower ranges of your ideal weight and eating healthy is a huge start. Posture is also huge - I literally followed a girl around the mall trying to catch up to talk to her because I spotted her excellent posture from across the mall. I’m often attracted to dancers and models because they tend to have great posture. A beautiful girl who slouches and walks awkwardly loses points.

Smile. This is another make it or break it point. A smile is infinitely more attractive than a frown or a blank stare. Everyone wants to be surrounded by happy people, so why not advertise how happy you are. You are happy, right?

If you’re not happy, you are not attractive. People HATE whiners and people with negative attitudes. Everyone wants to be around people that make them feel good - it’s basic, but I don’t think women understand how important this is. That doesn’t mean not to talk about bad things that happen to you. It means to be optimistic and don’t let a bad driver ruin your day and dominate the conversation for the evening.

Confidence, when presented properly, is extremely attractive. I love a girl who is great and knows it. Note that this is different from man-hating girl power advocates. “If a MAN can do it, I can do it. Woman are the stronger sex,” has never attracted anyone. Drop it. These days any guy that you are going to consider probably has a healthy respect for women. Move on. Also, we’re all upset that you ladies are allowed to vote, so try to avoid sticky subjects like that. Same goes for driving, of course.

This is a personal pet peeve of mine. Don’t try to “be one of the guys”. If I hear you burp, I will probably not date you. You won’t hear me burp either, so don’t start complaining about a double standard. You’re not proving anything by doing it, and if we wanted to date men, we’d be gay. Men are attracted to femininity, so be a girly girl.

Wow… when I started writing this article I thought it was going to be a lot shorter, but I keep thinking of more things.

One last bit of advice. Learn how to dress. We act like the only piece of clothing we’re interested in is your bra, but that’s not actually true. Well dressed girls stand out, look more confident and together, and are much sexier. I literally melt when I find out a girl is into fashion. That might be a personal preference with me… I’m not sure that most guys care that much, but it certainly won’t hurt.

I really want to stress that all of these points are extremely important. I know that if I were to read an article like this for guys, I would assume that the first point mattered and that the rest were filler. I don’t waste my time with filler, and was actually trying to cut some points out to make it shorter - but I couldn’t because they’re all important.

Now that you’re a 8 or higher with a great personality, what do you do? Well, you e-mail me, of course. You didn’t think I wrote all that for nothing, did you? Oh, and if you think you’re hot enough, send me a picture. I’ll be honest. Honest.

Ok, so I was just writing about my goals and realized that I wasn’t doing nearly enough. So this is going to be my public challenge to myself to see how much I can improve my life in one month. That’s all there is to the challenge - no rules, no goals, and no excuses. I have a pretty great life, but I know I can do MUCH better, and I owe it to myself to do so.

I’ve found that many things I do during the day don’t really make a lasting change in my life. But one small thing, like installing the bluetooth car kit in my car, makes it much more convenient for me every time I drive. Going through my bank statement and finding monthly charges I can do away with saves me money for the rest of the year, and calling an old friend that I’ve lost touch with can bring another positive person into my life.

This month I am going to ask myself whether or not what I’m doing at any moment is contributing to my future. I’ll answer myself honestly and adjust accordingly. Little things that will stick with me are valuable too… if I made 30 small improvements that will help me for the rest of my life, I would be thrilled. How can I not find at least one a day?

I think that’s why I like learning so much. I learn little weird skills like how to tell the day of the month for any date, or to solve a rubik’s cube in a minute, or how to test if a plant is edible or not in the jungle. None of these things are important, but I find that every month I put a few of them to good use.

Anyway, if you’re reading this, I invite and challenge you to do this with me! Reply in the comments that you are going to do it, and I will e-mail you in a month to see your progress. I will then post everyone’s progress publicly - so you know that you will be held accountable. I’m psyched about this and plan on starting right now!