I’m actually kind of hesitant to post this here, because I hate it when people build up a blog with quality stuff and then start whoring it out by promoting their products. I guess this does promote my book, but I’m writing it because I feel great! Here’s the story:

A while back I decided to go nuts and start eating super healthy. It really made a huge difference for me and I wanted to get into web marketing because friends were making money in it, so I wrote a book. I thought the book came out great. It was short, but had everything in it that I wanted, so I figured that people would appreciate that it’s right to the point.

Months later, I make a little bit of money off it every month, but probably not enough that it’s actually worth the hassle. I get a good amount of people gushing about how it’s helped them, but I also get people returning it before trying it because it’s short. This really pisses me off because it WOULD work if they would just do it, but people want weird complicated books to make excuses about how hard it is to lose weight. But still, I refuse to pad it with filler, because I want people who are serious about losing weight to be able to do it without being insulted by a padded book.

Anyway… today I got an e-mail that made me really happy. Check it out :

Hi Dana (that’s my pen name),

I just want to send you this email and thank you for changing my life. I don’t know how I got to your website, but I am so glad that I did. Since starting your lifestyle change(I dont say the word diet anymore), I have lost 15 lbs in about 3.5 weeks. I also feel so amazing and happy. My skin is clearer, my hair looks amazing, and I get compliments every single day.

For all the people out looking at this website and thinking that it can’t really be true, it most certainly is. I am tried everything in order to lose weight…pills, low fat diets, high fat diets and they all left me wanting more and craving foods. This is the best purchase of my life and educates anybody on how your body handles food.

Dana, thank you for making this as simple as possible, showing ways to incorporate heathly eating into our busy lives,and giving every single person a chance at being beautiful inside and out.

Respectfully,

Amy

I don’t make much money, but when I get e-mails like that it makes it totally worth it. Also today I saw my friend Jessica. She’s an actress who caught a big break early, but was having trouble getting work recently. I gave her a copy of my book and now she looks great and just landed a national commercial. Obviously I can’t claim all the credit or anything, but I’m glad to have contributed to her success in whatever way I did. Go Jess!

Ladies? Yeah! Ladies! Yeah? Wanna roll in my Mercedes? Hell yeah! Then shake it! Shake it! Shake that healthy butt.

Baby got back.

Ahem. Ladies.. this one’s for you. Indirectly, it’s for me. Today we’re going to take a critical and mildly chauvinistic look at what makes a woman more attractive to a guy.

I’m going to assume, for argument’s sake, that you’re looking for an ideal guy. Some of you have issues and would prefer a trailer rat like K-fed or a submissive wimp because you’re domineering. These tips will probably help you with that, but there’s no guarantee.

Though I’m impressed with myself on a daily basis for remaining so humble and modest, I’m going to propose that I’m the ideal man, or as close as one can find in this crazy crazy world. Witty, charming, moderately tall, an ass that just doesn’t quit, and all body parts intact. Yep. I’m the complete package. To move more into the objective realm, most girls like me and I’ve never been broken up with. So it’s a start.

First, let’s tackle looks.

“Looks don’t matter. It’s what’s inside that counts. I have a weak grasp on reality,” they whine.

Check it. Looks matter. They always will, until our collective social skills crumble to point where no one leaves the house and people date online exclusively. Honestly, I can’t wait because then I can date AND play freecell simultaneously. Early experiments with that combination in present society have proven to be a failure, unfortunately.

First, hit the gym and start eating healthy. You think you’re skinny enough and healthy enough? Probably not. I literally know one girl who is skinny enough (maybe too skinny) to the point that she shouldn’t hit the gym and eat healthy (she already does). Maybe you’re already ok, but losing 3-5 pounds and getting more toned would help. Forget what that chart says about what your “healthy weight” is. You don’t want to be in the middle of that. Be on the low end.

Also, when you’re at the gym, do cardio. Jog, run, step on some stairs. Despite what those freaky freaky body building magazines may tell you, muscly women are gross. (Ok, fine.. if you know what you’re doing then you can do some weights to tone.)

When you eat healthy foods your skin looks much better, your hair is shiny and smooth, and you have energy. Bad skin, dull hair, and lethargy aren’t on anyone’s top ten list - I promise. Also, it’s a clear indicator that you take care of yourself, and thus respect yourself. This is good.

Now, you might think you have to be a 10. You’re right. Actually, I’m just kidding. We’d love for you to be a 10, but looks aren’t the only factor. An 8 with a killer personality beats a 10 with a boring personality anyday. Well… not any day, but most days. Even a 7 is going to be good enough if you really have a great personality. Below that… keep working.

The good news is that basically any girl can become a 7 or an 8 with some work. Getting to the lower ranges of your ideal weight and eating healthy is a huge start. Posture is also huge - I literally followed a girl around the mall trying to catch up to talk to her because I spotted her excellent posture from across the mall. I’m often attracted to dancers and models because they tend to have great posture. A beautiful girl who slouches and walks awkwardly loses points.

Smile. This is another make it or break it point. A smile is infinitely more attractive than a frown or a blank stare. Everyone wants to be surrounded by happy people, so why not advertise how happy you are. You are happy, right?

If you’re not happy, you are not attractive. People HATE whiners and people with negative attitudes. Everyone wants to be around people that make them feel good - it’s basic, but I don’t think women understand how important this is. That doesn’t mean not to talk about bad things that happen to you. It means to be optimistic and don’t let a bad driver ruin your day and dominate the conversation for the evening.

Confidence, when presented properly, is extremely attractive. I love a girl who is great and knows it. Note that this is different from man-hating girl power advocates. “If a MAN can do it, I can do it. Woman are the stronger sex,” has never attracted anyone. Drop it. These days any guy that you are going to consider probably has a healthy respect for women. Move on. Also, we’re all upset that you ladies are allowed to vote, so try to avoid sticky subjects like that. Same goes for driving, of course.

This is a personal pet peeve of mine. Don’t try to “be one of the guys”. If I hear you burp, I will probably not date you. You won’t hear me burp either, so don’t start complaining about a double standard. You’re not proving anything by doing it, and if we wanted to date men, we’d be gay. Men are attracted to femininity, so be a girly girl.

Wow… when I started writing this article I thought it was going to be a lot shorter, but I keep thinking of more things.

One last bit of advice. Learn how to dress. We act like the only piece of clothing we’re interested in is your bra, but that’s not actually true. Well dressed girls stand out, look more confident and together, and are much sexier. I literally melt when I find out a girl is into fashion. That might be a personal preference with me… I’m not sure that most guys care that much, but it certainly won’t hurt.

I really want to stress that all of these points are extremely important. I know that if I were to read an article like this for guys, I would assume that the first point mattered and that the rest were filler. I don’t waste my time with filler, and was actually trying to cut some points out to make it shorter - but I couldn’t because they’re all important.

Now that you’re a 8 or higher with a great personality, what do you do? Well, you e-mail me, of course. You didn’t think I wrote all that for nothing, did you? Oh, and if you think you’re hot enough, send me a picture. I’ll be honest. Honest.

Are you interested in working out, but have no idea how? That’s where I was until a year and a half ago. I avoided the gym because I was so clueless about what to do there that I didn’t want to make a fool of myself.

Looking information on the internet is almost pointless, because every document out there is for people who know what they’re doing. I didn’t.

I finally got an idea of what to do when I moved to LA. One of my roommates, Tyler, is considered to be perhaps the most obsessed and analytical pickup artist in the business. I mean that in a good way - for a while he made it his life, and as a result he got to the top faster than anyone else ever has.

He had gone through the same process with weightlifting in the past and was an encyclopedia of knowledge. Additionally, I had a platinum Amex which, upon signing up for our gym, entitled me to six free personal training sessions.

After badgering Tyler and my trainer with questions, and continuing my education elsewhere, I was able to get respectable results in a fairly short amount of time. Hopefully my knowledge will be of use to you as well.

Protein

The first thing to realize is that there are two components of building mass (I’m assuming you’re a decent weight and want to gain muscle. If you want to lose weight, make sure to read all the way through because I have a special case for you at the bottom). You need to concern yourself with diet and with exercise.

The reason everyone’s always soiling their diapers over protein is because it is the building block of muscle. Exercising puts the building blocks in place and creates muscle. If you have no blocks, the exercising is just torturing you. If you have the blocks and no exercise, most of them will be digested. And I’ve digested a couple buliding blocks as a kid - it’s not the optimal solution.

Anyway, you want to get a good protein blend. My favorite place is The Protein Factory (and just to let you know how much I like them, every other place will pay me to direct people to their store, but I still recommend the one that doesn’t). The reason I like them so much is that you can custom make your protein blend, and the price is still reasonable. Make sure that you have it sweetened with stevia. It’s the healthiest sweetener by far.

I like to get unflavored protein and add it to smoothies, but most people just get flavored protein and add it to water. It doesn’t really matter.

You want to take in 1g of protein per pound you weight per day. If you can’t hack that much protein (you probably can), then do what you can.

Foods that are high in protein include fish, nuts, and chicken. It’s pretty easy to steer your diet in that direction.

Also, you want a lot of water. The easiest way to drink a lot of water is to always have a glass near you, even if you aren’t actively drinking it. I put a water machine next to my desk and I drink tons now.

The best time to eat lots of protein (read: your protein shake) is directly after working out. I usually saved a chicken breast and my protein shake for right after the workout.

As for the actual workout, it’s going to last about 40-60 minutes. Some people get nuts and do 90 minutes, but the return after an hour diminishes greatly.

Schedule

You’ll work out three days a week. Probably Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. If you want to switch the days around, that’s fine - just don’t have two in a row if possible. If that’s the only way you can do it, fine. If you’re trying to lose weight, you want to jog 3 times a week if possible (or do the elliptical, treadmill or stair machine).

If you’re jogging, try to keep a 10 minute mile or so and run for 30 minutes after it gets moderately uncomfortable. Up until that point you’re warming up, so make sure to push, otherwise you’re doing a lot of work for almost nothing.

What is a rep?

A rep is a single instance of motion that brings you back to where you start. So doing one chest press rep, for example, would be lying on a bench on your back, holding the bar at your chest, pushing all the way up, and bringing it back down.

A set is just a group of reps. So three sets of 15 reps would be three groups of 15 repetitions, for a total of 45 “pushes”.

In general you want to be doing three sets of about 10 reps. By the 9th or 10th rep on the 3rd set, you should be having great difficulty continuing, possibly even unable to do it. The weight that you choose is the variable here, so as you get stronger you do the same amount of reps, but with a bigger weight.

The Exercises

On day 1 (Monday in this example), you’re going to work out your chest. This is what makes the ladies swoon (I’m told), so don’t slack.

Pick three or four different chest exercises and do 3 sets of 10 for each of them. Here’s where you can get great descriptions of each : Bodybuilding.com. Try not to be freaked out by the scary muscly man, or the even scarier muscly woman. You won’t ever have to look like that.

Also do 3×10 of one tricep exercise. Last, do the first rotator cuff exercise on this page.

Day two (Wednesday) :

Three shoulder exercises, two lat exercises, one middle back, one lower back

Day three (Friday):

Two calf, Three hamstring, two bicep

In addition, every single day (whether working out or not) you should do three sets of fifteen situps or crunches. These work your core, which unlike the other muscle groups, doesn’t need a break.

This quick guide is all you really need to know to productively get started working out. I’m sure experienced body builders will read this and say “he totally forgot about working the ankles! you need to work out everything!” and it’s true - if you want to be a body builder. But if you want to get impressive results without become a gym nerd, just follow this guide. If you get more serious about it, you can start investing money in a personal trainer or tons of workout books.

Where do I work out?

You can either join a gym or work out at home. Each has it’s own set of advantages and disadvantages. Gold’s Gym tends to be a favorite, as is 24 hour fitness. If you have a gym at school or at your apartment complex, just use that.

You can do most of the exercises at home with a bench. Right now has one at half price that looks really versatile. I paid more than that for a more basic one used off Craigslist (also a good option for instant gratification). You can buy weights online, but it’s not worth it with shipping. Just go to Wal Mart and get them there. To start off all you need are pairs of 15lb dumbbells, 20lb dumbbells, and 25lb dumbbells. Instead of a bar with weights on the ends, just use the two 25lb dumbbells. It’s safer and it saves money.

The only thing you can’t do from home without more equipment is your back exercises. Most of them will require a pulldown bar. I built one in my house pretty cheaply using stuff from Home Depot.

What to expect

Now, you aren’t going to notice any changes for about a month. This gets frustrating because it seems like you’re working for nothing - stick with it. By the end of month two, people will be commenting on your bigger muscles even if they don’t know that you’ve been working out.

The most important factor (as with anything) is consistency. Work out three times a week, EVERY WEEK. If you work out when you feel like it, you won’t ever make progress.

If you want to lose weight and gain muscle at the same time, there is an excellent book called Burn The Fat. If you are a reasonable weight already, then don’t bother complicating things - just start today!

Oh, and if you’re a lady type who doesn’t want to get all jacked up and you feel left out - don’t worry… I have a story just for the ladies coming out soon.

Hola, Jovenes. I recently switched over to a primarily raw food diet. I’ve since modified it to include Ezekiel products.

Why? Because a) they’re awesome and b) I don’t yet have my dehydrator, so there’s no other bread products I can eat. Poor me.

Since I switched over, the polyphasic sleep schedule has been going WAY better. The difference is day and night (my god, I’m funny). In the past 7 days I’ve overslept by maybe 4 hours total, less if I get credit for missed naps. Even more significant, I feel great the whole time. Right now it’s 4:33am and I feel like I could play a full 5 round curling match.

When Hayden and I did his school project on raw foods, we wanted to make some really impressive recipes. He got a bunch of books at Barnes and Noble, but the REAL standout was Raw Food/Real World : 100 Recipes to Get the Glow.

The reason this book rocks my palette is because, first of all, it’s very practical. The authors eat a couple questionable ingredients because they add a lot and are in such small quantity that they don’t really affect anything. They say also that if they’re on a trip to Italy they’ll eat traditional Italian food, even though at home they eat 100% raw. Also, they were both chefs with a real passion for normal food, and they converted. I was also an amateur chef, so I could relate to that.

But the best thing is the recipes. What they are able to make with only raw food is absolutely amazing. The chocolate pudding (no cooking / artificial sugar, remember) was awesome, but the ice cream steals the show. That’s right… HEALTHY ice cream. They literally eat this stuff for breakfast. Keep in mind that the book is packed with pictures of these people, and they look really young and healthy even though they’re around 40. Even if you’re not into raw food and don’t want to buy the book, use Amazon’s book searching feature, find the recipe, and try it out. I like to add banana to it to make some banana ice cream.

Tonight I went to a restaurant called Cosmic Cafe. Inspired by the book, I decided to have a new policy of eating normally when I’m out. There’s nothing more annoying than the guy who is like, “I’ll have the chicken sandwich with no bread, no mayo, no bread, and extra lettuce.” After an inordinate period of deliberation, I finally settled on the wheat crust eggplant pizza. Sounds reasonbly healthy, right?

This thing was loaded with cheese. I ate it anyway, and immediately felt crappy. Then I went home and overslept through 3 alarms (90 minute oversleep, longest since going raw) and felt awful. When I finally woke up, still tired, I started cramming my craw with all the raw food I could find, hoping to push that eggplant junk out of my system.

The next nap went famously, featuring a super realistic dream involving the following :

• a small wooden boat
• Julie from the Pickup Artist story
• A weird pickup artist guy
• A creepy target employee who followed us all around

Good times, as usual. Ok, it’s time for a nap, and then I might write another update. The bus story is neglected.

Ok folks… I’m gonna break it down for you Dr. Phil style today, and talk about happiness.

Now, first of all - I don’t see why happiness is always priority number one. “Do whatever makes you happy”, they say. “Yeah, but is she HAPPY?”. Who says this is the holy grail? Personally, I think giving Tynan presents should be the end goal. “Do whatever makes Tynan get more presents” and “Yeah, but is she giving Tynan presents?” both sound pretty sweet to me.

But we live in a world where happiness is number one. They don’t ask if happiness makes you money, but if money makes you happy. So, let’s get happy.

I should offer one caveat : I was never seriously depressed. If you are seriously depressed, give this a try - I’m sure it will help, but it may not get you all the way to candyland, if you know what I mean.

When I was younger, though, I wasn’t always happy. Things got to me a lot, I would find myself unhappy (depressed? I don’t really know), and apathetic.

When I became a professional gambler things got interesting. If I won I would be ecstatic and in a great mood for the rest of the day. If I lost I would be detached and moody. After a few months of this it became obvious that something had to change. But what was also obvious is that I COULD be happy almost any time I wanted.

For example, if I was having a bad day, and reluctantly started playing… if I hit a royal flush I’d be in a great mood again.

So I thought about it for a while and came up with an idea. I tried it for a week and it worked. I went on for a month and it kept working. After a few months it was totally subconcious and I was always happy. Surprisingly it stuck, and people always remark at how I’m always happy. Because of my new positive outlook on everything, people always talk about how lucky I am too, as I always seem to be happy with what happens to me.

Now I know some people are thinking, “well, do I even WANT to be happy all the time? I mean… aren’t there times when it’s good to be upset?”. And that’s a good question. You can be happy and still be upset - when I’m wronged I’m upset, but I’m still a happy person. I don’t let it get me down and depressed, but rather I see it as a chance to create a new, better situation.

Ok, so how is this magical feat accomplished? It’s pretty easy. But before I explain it - do yourself a favor and commit to trying it. If you don’t want to be more happy, then you don’t need to read this post, so go read another story. But if you plan on reading on, then promise yourself that you will follow it, even if it sounds too simple to work.

Here’s what you have to do :

Start off by comitting to only one week. This makes it easy enough that if you don’t like it you aren’t locked in forever, but it still gives it a fair chance. What I want you to do for this one week is this : be hyper aware of your thoughts. Evaluate whether they are positive, negative, or neutral (almost nothing is neutral other than things like - “hey, that pear is green”). If they’re anything but positive, STOP. Think about the situation and find something positive about it. This is much easier than you think and gets much easier as you go on. Here are some examples :

Before : “I’m stuck in traffic. I hate traffic. Rrrrrawwwwrrr”
After : “Being in traffic gives me time to sit in my chair, relax, and listen to music. Most other times I feel obligated to do something, but not now”

Before : “Heidi Klum just dumped me. I Looooooooooveeee her.”
After : “If she dumped me, things weren’t going well. Now I have the chance to find a better relationship where things WILL go well.”

Before : “My car broke down, my dog died, and I have cancer”
After : “When my car gets fixed it will work better than ever, fluffy had a better life than almost any puppy and I have some great memories with him, I have a new mission to beat cancer which will make me into a disciplined and focused person - it will also make me keenly aware of the value of life and enable me to live my life to the fullest ”

Ok, now that last one might be a bit of an exaggeration, but that’s really how I think. EVERY single situation has a positive side. It may have a negative side as well, but dwelling on that helps no one. When you first start this process, it will be cumbersome. It’s like having a toddler who does the exact opposite of what you say, and then you have to correct him. However, after a week it will start happening naturally. If you like it, keep going. By month two you will be doing it subconciously and will never be affected by bad events.

I once had an extremely bad event happen to me where 99% of my (substantial) net worth was stolen with little hope to get it back. I hung out with friends that day and no one knew anything was wrong. In fact, just a day later a friend I was chatting with remarked at how everything always went so well for me!

Of course I didn’t want to lose the money, but I considered that the real value of earning that money was learning how to earn, which I could do again, and that it gave me a great opportunity to evaluate what I wanted to do with my life. I decided that gambling was too antisocial and tha I wanted to entertain and inspire other people. This site was born as part of that thought!

This practice is actually called reframing, although I didn’t know about it when I started doing it. I’ve advised several people to do this, and they report that not only are they happier, but that other people notice in as little time as a week. It’s also a very attractive quality to have - many people have told me that they like being around me because I’m so positive and that help them see the bright side of things.

One issue I need to address is that you want to minimize the bad site - not avoid it. Avoiding dealing with bad things keeps it pent up and amplifies the emotion, which can cause greater problems down the line. If you lost your money, don’t ignore that. Go make some more, but think of all the great opportunities that you will have, rather then dwelling on the lost money. If your girlfriend leaves you, think about the happy memories you had and how now you can find a better girl - don’t keep seeing her acting like everything’s normal.

So today we’ve learned how to live happy and that giving Tynan presents is more important than anything. If you have a negative thought that you just can’t seem to see the positive in, post it in the comments and I’ll help you. Or, if it’s too personal for that, you can e-mail it to me and I will post it myself, thus embarassing you greatly. Just kidding, I keep secrets.

Where can you find me at 2pm on a Thursday? If you guessed by the pool being fed peeled grapes by the Swedish bikini team, you’ll be surprised to hear that you’re wrong.

No, really. You’re wrong… At least this Thursday.

Actually, my friend Hayden.. WAIT… this is an important but totally unrelated sidenote :

The History Hayden and his Impact on Better Than Your Boyfriend

Last year I was on a cruise with some friends, one of whom was Hayden. I was pissed off because I had been going out to clubs and bars frequently and meeting girls, but no one I thought was amazing. Maybe the main problem is that I have little interest dating someone who drinks.

So I got to thinking, as I do on a near weekly basis. Where were the girls that I wanted? Well, the problem is that there’s no specific stereotype of girl I’m interested in. I’m more concerned with personal values like drinking, honesty, and how hot she is. The problem is that I’m so picky that it’s hardly worth my time to strike up a conversation with every girl I find attractive, because so few have the qualities I’m looking for.

And then an idea hit me : I’d advertise. I was going to make 2000 posters, and with my friends help, plaster Austin with them. I’d put them all over campus and around all my favorite places to go. I had almost finished the poster, but I needed a good web site to send the lovely ladies to. I own reallyawesome.com and I was going to use that, but it really wasn’t good enough, or specific enough, for this.

On the cruise we had a lot of downtime where we’d just sit around (and eat) and talk. We were trying to come up with good domains, but nothing was clicking. And then Hayden said it:

Better than your Boyfriend.com

I loved it. Unfortunately it was so good that he wanted it too.

However, his interest waned in the next couple days and he gave me permission to register it.

I don’t remember why I never did the posters. I think that I had some doubts as to whether it would work, and I started seeing someone.

Hmm.. maybe I should do the posters now. I actually have an even better idea that I’ll probably do and report about here. Anyway… the point is that if it weren’t for Hayden this site wouldn’t be at such a cool domain.. so thanks Hayden.

Back to our story…

Hayden had a project to do for a class called “Weird Science”. It was an open topic and he wanted to do it on healthy eating, raw food, etc. As you may well know, I’m really into that stuff, so he asked for my help in preparing a raw food feast and asked me to help present it to the class.

I was happy to practice making raw food on his dime and hadn’t been to school in years, so I forgot the horror that is class.

He woke up late, curling got in the way, there was a communications mixup, and then he was late (as he always is), so instead of 8am, we got started on the project at around 1 or 2 am. We drove out to the supermarket, and by the time we’d resolved the argument of what we were going to make and found all the ingredients, it was about 4am.

Starting off with the “fun” part, we decided to extract the necessary coconut meat. My god was that hard. I mercilessly hacked at each coconut, fighting to get to the precious bounty within.

We finished getting our coconut meat around 5am.

I took my 5am nap, but then went into my office instead of continuing with the food prep. Hayden fell asleep, and I dozed off in my chair, oversleeping by an hour. Oops.

When I woke up he was still asleep, so I wandered about the house trying to stay awake. Finally at 8am we went to Whole Foods, bought the few remaining ingredients, and headed back.

By then he had to go to class, so I got stuck finishing all of the dishes. We’d done most of the hard part, though, so I didn’t really mind.

He came back at 12, finished up the foods while I took a shower and napped, and we aimed the car at class and gunned it.

Here I want to do another sidebar about what an awful driver Hayden is, but let’s not disparage him in his moment of glory. We’ll do it next week.

As soon as I entered the classroom, I knew this wasn’t going to be a normal class. The class was squared around a huge homemade table in the middle of the classroom. The students looked normal enough (a clear misconception).

We had arrived halfway through one person’s presentation and were left wondering what electrocuting his classmate had to do with science. I couldn’t figure out what his project was, but I’m always happy to see someone get electrocuted.

We went next, because we didn’t want our creations to melt. As soon as I was introduced one of the students (actually, I think he was the TA) identified me as the guy who went into the tunnels. EVERYONE else murmured in agreement - many of them had seen the site (hi guys! hi mom!). The teacher had even seen it and said that she thought it was cool - ok… maybe I shouldn’t have assumed she was an evil witch. Not many teachers at UT would be impressed with the journey to the tunnels.

Within a few minutes I accidentally stole the show. I mentioned polyphasic sleeping and everyone had questions. I was actually a bit surprised at the high level of interest. I answered questions, occasionally throwing in a futile attempt to return the topic to healthy eating. After a little while the teacher said that we had to move on, but invited me to return the following week to speak at greater length about polyphasic sleeping. I agreed because I really enjoy public speaking and opening people’s minds to crazy yet practical ideas.

Now… if you’re allergic to absolute madness, you may want to just cut your reading of this post short - there have been some good times, and there’s no need to press your luck.

Some of the other students presented. Oh my god are these people crazy. Oh my god are these people crazy. That’s not a typo - that’s emphasis that even bold and italic letters couldn’t hope to acheive.

I don’t want to give a breakdown of all of the projects, but here are some highlights :

- A guy who covered his head and hands in tinfoil and claimed to have a mental activity reader. Like an idiot, I tried to think happy thoughts to move the needle. He later revealed that it was a scam.

- A guy who contructed a giant mutated ant out of vegetables and a crab

- A girl who is so obsessed with dolphins that I was both slightly aroused and speechless when she talked about her deep love for the creatures.

- A guy who has a nuts theory about the shapes of the letters in a bands name, and how that relates to the type of music they play (ok, it even made some sense)

The most bizarre part is that the teacher was INTO IT! These people all got good grades.

Then there was the last project. This semi-attractive girl with a beautiful Portuguese accent started presenting in Portuguese. I speak decent Spanish, so I could understand parts of it, but overall was somewhat lost.

Then she played a short film which was visually stunning. I was really straining to figure out what it was about, and simultaneously hoping that the increasingly revealing shots of her would result in her being topless. They did, and I was pretty surprised. The video ended, and she asked if anyone had any questions.

Everyone sorta looked around, no one wanting to break the news to her that we had no idea what was happening. Then she said that she wanted to simulate the feeling you would get if you had serious memory loss. Whoa! That was pretty clever. Out of all the presentations, that was my favorite, and not just because we saw her topless.

The funny thing is this : I really enjoyed the class. The people were somewhat nuts, and the presentations were corny, but they actually resulted in a dialog about ideas between people. School was NEVER about that in any of my classes, which was disappointing. If more of my classes were in this style, I may have stayed in school. Probably not, but maybe I would have at least considered it.

Before leaving the class I made plans with the teacher - next week I’m going to give a full presentation to them on polyphasic sleep. I’m going to video it, so expect some highlights. I’m out!

I don’t really like writing short updates, but there are too many little things going on to write separate posts.

First, I’ve designed some cool t-shirts, hats, and other items to facilitate displaying of BtyB pride. Even if you don’t have BtyB pride yet, the designs are cool enough that you’ll want to wear them anyway. To check it out, visit the Better Than Your Boyfriend Store .

Want to support the site, but would rather get paid for doing so? I used to be professional gambler, earning the bulk of my income from online casinos for six years. I will soon write a whole story about that. The casino I got started at is called Casino-on-Net. I have a deal with them where anyone signing up with them through my site will get $200 for free!

I’ve played at hundreds of casinos online and on land, and many of them are rigged, shady, or will just run with your money. The most honest and fair casino I’ve ever played at is Casino-on-Net. I have never had a bad experience with them, and neither have any of the dozens of gambling friends I have. Anyone who signs up through my web site to get $200 for free (and yes, you will really get it) will also be supporting Better than your Boyfriend, as Casino-on-Net pays me a commission.

One last way you can help me help you is by checking out my diet book that I wrote (under a pen name). It’s called The Skinny Snob and I’m really proud of it. I spent a ton of time learning about diet and nutrition, and this is the sum of my knowledge, laid out in a very easy to follow plan. If you follow it and have bought a T-shirt, when you need a smaller size, it’s on me!

If you want to keep love and money separate, that’s cool too. A link to my site from your blog, forum, or web site is very valuable to me. Thanks a lot to everyone who has already linked to me and helped this site grow!

As you may have noticed from the ever growing comment section, I have received tons of publicity recently. This means more people visiting BtyB, which is fantastic. The bigger we get, the easier it is for me to afford to spend time writing up even more great stories. Also, soon we will be big enough that companies will sponsor contests. I plan on spending a lot of time getting cool prizes for monthly giveaways for you guys.

I also have some exciting news about Polyphasic sleep, but I want to wait a few more days to make sure it’s solid before I share it with you guys.

Here’s a rough plan of what to expect from Better than your Boyfriend in the near future :

- The conclusion of the popular How I Became a Famous Pickup Artist series.

- An in depth story about the six months I lived with famous rock star Courtney Love

- A 45 (ok, maybe more) day review on my progress with 2006 Goals

- The next part in the The Great American School Bus Conversion story

- More rap songs!

- My own holiday starting this year that will CHANGE THE WORLD!

- The best way to make your computer super cool looking

- How to always be happy (really!)

- Who knows what else I’ll get into and write about…

Anyways… stay tuned. I’m having a great time writing these articles, and I have a ton more that I’m dying to write about. I take a lot of time writing them, so please be patient. Thanks again for being part of this site!

One of the great things about being polyphasic is that my friends are on awful sleep schedules. Some of them stay up until 7am, others wake up at 7am, so at any given time there’s a good chance that I have awake friends.

This morning at 7am Hayden calls and asks if I want to do yoga with him. Of course I do. This is the hot yoga, “Bikram”, which literally translated means “the most severe torture known to man that somehow hotties can handle”.

I hop in my car and head to his place. Hmm. The ride seems a little rough. Not to get too sidetracked, but I thought it would be really cool if I bought 19″ rims instead of the stock 16″ rims. It looks fantastic, but these stupid wheels have given me nothing but trouble. Literally every single one has gone flat, they have damaged my brakes, etc.

I notice a woman waving at me frantically as she walks her dog. I shrug it off, assuming it’s my charming good looks. Never a good assumption.

I get to a red light and decide to hop out of the car to make sure my stupid tires are ok. They’re not. The front left one is dead flat.

Luckily I had one of those fix-a-flat cans in my trunk. Unluckily, it was 30 degrees out and I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Freezing, I get the can and try to hook it up to the tire. Instead of the delicious goo going into the tire like it’s supposed to, it flies all over the place and doesn’t inflate the tire.

That’s ok. I’m used to tire disasters. I also have an air compressor that hooks up to my car. It gets the tire halfway full and then a fuse breaks in the car and it stops working. I’m so used to automotive disaster that I actually have spare fuses, but I was so cold that I didn’t want to fumble around under the hood to fix it. Fortunately my car has another cigarette lighter jack in the back and I used that to fill the rest of the tire.

It’s now too late to go to yoga, so I return home. Hayden tells me we can go to a different class at 10.

After my 9am nap I pile into the freshly repaired car and head to Haydens house. We arrive at the Yoga studio a couple minutes early and the instructor seems displeased that we aren’t there more early. Yogis are really into being early. I actually took Hatha yoga for a month last year and no matter how early I came it always seemed like everyone else was there before me.

We get rushed through the signing in process and take our spots in the studio. It’s heated, but it doesn’t seem that bad. I can handle this - I was actually one of the better students at my other yoga class.

What my other yoga class lacked, also one of my main reasons for signing up, was hotties. It was mostly older women or larger women that really needed some yoga. This yoga class had a couple hotties, so I was excited about that. I want a girlfriend again and I think that a girl who’s into yoga would be perfect.

We begin the postures. I’m determined to demonstrate that I’m actually good at yoga and not just some guy who is there for the hotties. Somehow the truth usually has a way of coming out, though. I’m bending deep into the postures, doing great. By posture number two I’m wishing that I ate more.

By posture number three, I’m starving. While I’m enjoying the transition to raw food and its benefits to polyphasic sleep, I am definitely having trouble eating enough food. In fact, I had one medium sized salad throughout the night and some fruit and a few veggies. Not nearly enough.

By posture number four I’m feeling awful. The hottie can easily see me in the mirror, so I try to turn my discomfort into a look of determination. Suddenly my peripheral vision starts to fade a bit and I feel dizzy. My stomach hurts even more and seems like it can’t decide between throwing up or wanting to eat a whole pig. Struggling to look cool I hold the pose, barely able to keep it together.

The next one hits and I’m done. I sit down. Maybe I can pass it off as me being so hardcore that I can’t exert myself for that long. Probably not. My vision gets even more fuzzy and starts fading in and out. I lean back against the wall. It’s really hot in here.

I want to leave the studio but I don’t think I have the balance. All of my concentration is going towards keeping my breathing regular. Hey… they have a roomba in here. I have an old one. That new one looks really cool. I wonder how that docking station works…

According to the many unforunate witnesses, that’s when my face turned pale and my eyes rolled back into my head.

“Are you ok?” Hayden asked me. I could barely understand him.

I used all of my energy to mutter “No.”

Next thing I knew there were a lot of voices. Everyone was freaking out and asking if I was ok. Was I? My eyes were open, but I couldn’t see a thing. I frantically tried to look around. It wasn’t hot anymore. I was leaning up against someone. Slowly I reclaimed my vision and surveyed the scene. Hayden and four women were crowded around me and looked very nervous. One woman had called 911. As I came to, I tried to explain that I was ok.

They brought me into the lobby and put me on a bench. The instructor began probing a little too quickly.

“I don’t know what drugs you do or if you drank too much… ”
“I don’t do drugs or… ”
“You really have to watch how much you drink.”
“No… I don’t drink… ”
“I’ve seen people come in here in every state…”

I managed to get a few words in and explain that I don’t do drugs, drink, take caffeine, or ingest anything that isn’t basically known to be the perfect food. I attributed the fainting to transitioning to raw food and I think they believed it.

Needless to say, I’m done with this yoga nonsense. I saw the hottie as she left, and she asked if I was ok. Before I had time to explain that I had been wrestling anacondas to save children all day, she went into the locker room. Truth be told she wasn’t that hot at all anyway. My vision isn’t great.

So, there you have it. Ladies, what I think is really important to get out of this article is that even if I faint like a little girl, I’m STILL better than your boyfriend.