I’m Pregnant
A monday afternoon some time ago, she texts me with, “Call me. It’s important.”
Strange. I’m in the car, so I ponder what’s so important as we drive back to the office. I can’t figure it out.
We get to the office and I step into the echoey stairwell for some semblance of privacy. I sit down on the stair and dial her number.
“I have to tell you this, but please wait to react.”
An odd request. I’m probably one of the most calm-under-pressure people I know, thanks to years of professional gambling. In the split second before her next sentence I try to recall a time I overreacted to anything with her. I can’t.
“The doctor called today,” she begins. She had just been to the doctor for a routine blood test, “and she asked me whether or not I knew I was pregnant.”
“What?”
“Tynan, I’m pregnant.”
It’s simultaneously the worst and most unexpected news I’d ever gotten. It seems impossible that she could be pregnant. We always use condoms and there hadn’t been any sort of incident which would be cause for concern. No point in thinking about that now - the reality is that it somehow happened.
The news is based on a blood test, not one of the error prone take home tests. This is serious. Instantly my life is seen through a new filter - through the perspective of me being a father in nine months. This is insane. I love kids more than anything, but I’m definitely not ready to have one of my own.
I have nothing to say. No amount of talking about my feelings or “how could this have happened?” is going to change the impending disaster. The result is an awkward conversation with more dead space than conversation.
We hang up and I walk back into the office. Todd asks me if everything is ok. Yes, I reply.
Every waking minute of the next day is occupied with thoughts of the pregnancy. I know that, like everything, everything will be fine in the end. I will somehow look back at this as it being a positive experience.
The next day she and I have breakfast, and alternate between normal conversation and tense conversations about the pregnancy. It’s uncomfortable, but probably necessary.
She gets a call and leaves the room.
When she comes back she has a huge smile plastered across her face. It seems inappropriate.
“What?” I ask, impatiently.
She doesn’t answer.
“What?”
“I’m not pregnant!”
“What?!”
I dont believe her at first. For the past 48 hours I’ve known that I was going to have a kid, and unraveling that sort of realization isn’t easy.
She goes on to tell me that they switched one of her files by accident with a pregnant woman, and they they were profusely sorry. Reality sunk in and we were overjoyed, laughing and talking about how fortunate we were. It’s tough to appreciate the wonder of not being headed down fatherhood road until you’ve driven on it.
I’ll tell you one thing, though - I’m done with sex for a LONG time. Having any chance of that happening for real isn’t worth it. Sorry ladies!
(2 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
Loading ...
October 6th, 2006 at 9:52 am
Nice!
I use a condom with any girl I don’t want to have a baby with. Even if they are on birth control. I just don’t trust girls with that shit.
Condoms are 100% effective if you use them right. Any statistic less than that is for people who are foolish with them.
Check the thing periodically, if you drip pre-cum into it it can get moist and slip off. Change it when this happens - through a long session you can get through 2 or 3 condoms.
Check it just before you cum.
Then check it when you have filled it with man juice. As you remove it squeeze it to check for leaks, even fill it with water under the tap if you are unsure.
Reframe any negative beliefs you have about condoms, they are great.
October 7th, 2006 at 9:42 am
“Check it just before you cum.” ?? thats the last thing i think of before shooting my load. why would i want to hold up play and fcuk up my orgasm
October 7th, 2006 at 10:08 am
Every PUA goes through this, killabee once told me…com to think aout it, every man goes through that.
October 7th, 2006 at 10:52 am
So the statistical 4% condom failure rate really only includes disasters that happen in the middle of the act, rather than faulty-made condoms?
October 8th, 2006 at 3:48 pm
Damn. That’s fucked up.
Congrats though. You should have a “We’re Not Having a Baby!” party.
October 8th, 2006 at 4:28 pm
That really sucks… that “Is She Or Isn’t She” has to be one of the best/worst emotional tug-of-wars there is.
I second the “We’re Not Having A Baby!” party notion ^_^
October 10th, 2006 at 2:22 am
I wonder if it was all just a setup to see how you actually felt about being a father. Or maybe not. But she has the answer now in any case. And so do you.
October 12th, 2006 at 6:59 am
I hate babies and kids.
What I don’t get is that all of you guys are sensible and make sure you don’t get the ‘lady’ preggers. What I don’t get is WTF my current boyf thinking is. He had a kid with a girl at 18 then another - now she has run off and married some other guy. Home come TF he was so dumb?
October 19th, 2006 at 1:39 am
Hahahha!!! Nice
What a story
October 24th, 2006 at 10:55 am
Sue the hospital - Seriously
I’m not into suing things and I wouldn’t do it in any other situation
Even if they told me I was going to die and were wrong I wouldn’t sue them this is far worse
For me a girl getting pregnant would be the worst possible torture ever
Like bowels of hell mental torture,
They put you through 48 hours of hell.
Sue the fuckers
December 13th, 2006 at 10:13 am
Listen - girls pull this shit ALL THE TIME. It’s like a standard damn dating proceedure to tell the guy she’s pregnant just to see how he reacts.
Find a new girlfriend.
December 24th, 2006 at 10:17 pm
Condom failure rate is 14%. Do some research if you don’t believe me.
That’s great that you got a reprieve.
January 1st, 2007 at 12:39 am
[...] On the plus side, I accomplished a lot of goals that I didn’t know I had. I went Vegan, which I consider to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I got to lecture at a college, I wrote a book, I made some new songs. I got a real job for the first time, I started Tynan’s Angels, I moved, I hung out with Mel Gibson, I went to Japan and some other places, I found out what it was like to think you’re going to have a kid, I started hosting Karaoke, and thanks to people like you I made a moderately popular blog. All in all, that’s pretty good for a year. [...]
January 14th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Fuck off. Finding out you’re pregnant or even thinking it is one of the scariest things a woman can go through. I just found out I’m pregnant and telling the guy is the last thing I want to do. I sure as shit wouldn’t do it just for kicks.
January 31st, 2007 at 7:53 am
Damn man after having a girl that had a very irregular period I know what you mean about pregnancy scares.
Kinda makes you refigure things though.
February 27th, 2007 at 5:51 pm
Hi.
I’ve got a lot of respect for you, your achievements and your attitudes.
But on this post, I can only have one reaction.
Don’t be a such wuss.
A mans reaction to pregnancy news is a test of the quality of his manhood.
It is one of the biggest tests life can give you.
Sometimes life will throw you into a situation where you have little control, and ultimate responsibility.
We men who wish to improve your communication skills with women will all have to deal with this.
We are not just increasing our own capacity for pleasure, thereby gaining more control of our lives:
We are also upping the stakes in the game of life.
We are increasing the likelihood of creating babies.
We all know that we have to defeat our fears and become more manly in order to get laid more. But, are we man enough to handle the consequences of our actions?
This applies even more to those of us who understand the dynamics of evolutionary psychology as it applies to the game. Women are programmed to subconciously select for mates who can contribute to their joint offspring.
Can you back it up? Or is it all just show.
Please, don’t take this as a mere flame. I don’t mean to insult anyone. Not Tynan, not anyone reading this.
But if you, any of you, want to think of yourself as a full and complete man, then you should ask yourself how you would handle a situation like this. Are you man enough to take responsibility for a new life?
April 13th, 2007 at 10:50 pm
[...] read this. My mom once decided to venture out onto this site and randomly chose an article called I’m Pregnant to read. That happened to be the only non-mom-friendly post. This is another one, so I’m [...]
April 23rd, 2007 at 7:58 pm
for a story on a website it was mildly entertaining.
Im sure in real life it would have been much better.
Anyway, Im pretty sure every guy goes through this at some point in his life.
Also, this site looks very gay. And I mean that in the homosexual kind of way. At first I thought this site was about being better than a gay guy’s boyfriend. However, after reading that you were a PUA, I was very surprised.
Anyway, good luck not having sex. seriously.
May 16th, 2008 at 12:19 am
[...] you, mom! Just kidding… she hates my site because of these two posts. She actually refused to send my front page newspaper article to my grandmother (who [...]