Hello. If you’re my mom, please don’t read this. My mom once decided to venture out onto this site and randomly chose an article called I’m Pregnant to read. That happened to be the only non-mom-friendly post. This is another one, so I’m giving you fair warning, mom.

Once up on a time in a land not too far away I had a lady friend who was also into the ladies. We’ll call her Simone. We were watching a lot of “Girls Next Door”, the show about the Playboy Mansion, and we decided that it would be pretty awesome to have a three way relationship. So our quest began. We went out to clubs a couple times but had a lot of trouble finding a girl we both liked. We’d talk about finding another girl from time to time, but didn’t make much progress.

Then one day she meets a girl named Ariel. She’s an adorably cute half Asian girl with a knack for saying hilarious inappropriate things. For example, she went through an entire Teen Vogue and shared with us her guesses on the condition of various celebrities’ “downstairs situations”. Descriptions ranged from pristine with rainbows shooting out to looking like rotten pumpkins (Beyonce).

Simone and Ariel started dating and spending a lot of time together.

“So… do you think she’ll be the third girl?”

“No! She’s a lesbian!”

Oh. Apparently she had never once been with a guy. It was too bad because she was the first girl that we both liked, and I’ve never dated an Asian girl before. I imagine it’s a very Zen like experience and that tea is ceremoniously served after each encounter.

A few weeks passed with no progress on our quest.

“Baby… I think she might be into it,” Simone said.

“What?”

“Ariel was talking about you the other night and joked about being with you. I laughed and she said that I didn’t know her very well!”

It was on. We’d only met once for about half an hour, but I could tell that she liked me. Knowing what might be in store, I’d mustered up what charm I could.

We needed to put in some more quality time before I could make any moves. I suggested that we hang out during the day to get to know each other better and be comfortable around each other. Simone coordinated it so that we’d all meet at my place at 2pm on a Saturday.

I waited for them to get to my place, unable to decide if I was nervous or just excited. I never felt nervous around women anymore, but this was uncharted territory. At 2:10 they knocked on my door.

“Hey baby!” said Simone. I hugged and kissed her.

“Hey baby!” said Ariel. It was a joke, but an undeniably appealing one. I hugged her and we all walked into the living room.

To Be Continued…