Why Taryn is Better Than Your Girlfriend
I want to make something clear. Crystal clear. I am in no way obligated to write this post, and it’s not being written under duress. And also Taryn totally didn’t hold a knife against my throat today. Or any other day. That never happened. With that in mind, I present to you the top 5 reasons Taryn is better than your girlfriend.
Number 5 - She cleaned my kitchen! I thought that this was impossible. I’d made two solid attempts, and while I did chip away at the skyscrapers of pots and pans, more took their places later. In about an hour or so, she totally cleaned it and it now looks fantastic.
Number 4- She did a crapload of laundry (dammit! I forgot to hang up that last load - I TOLD YOU!). Now for those of you who know me in real life, you can stop wondering why I keep wearing the same shirt every other day. For those of you who know me REALLY well in real life, you can stop wondering why I’m wearing the same underwear every day.
Number 3- Two manicures in 8 days! The silver nails are back and I’m psyched about it. She does a really good job too. The first manicure even involved a hand massage, which was really pleasant.
Number 2- I have someone to watch the O.C. with! My friends are generally individuals with excellent taste. However, none of them like the O.C. except for my brother Devon. There’s nothing sadder than me lying in the theater alone sobbing because Marissa and Ryan broke up again. Man… I get all misty just thinking about it.
Number 1- Not to be anticlimatic or anything, but I can’t think of any more reasons. Taryn’s a cool girl with some hardcore looking tattoos, but really she’s just a teddy bear. She lied about getting in a knife fight and I totally believed her. Maybe that’s reason number one.
Anyway, she’s moving to New York and wants a live in boyfriend. I’ll vouch for her being awesome at cleaning and stuff, and I’m sure she’s a demon in the sack as well. How can you go wrong with that? If you’re in New York and can make a mess for her to clean, comment and she’ll get in touch with you maybe.
(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5)
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April 14th, 2006 at 3:06 am
You learn her how to pickup guys for Live-In-LTRs, then make a seminar about it, get on Oprah, make her skinny and retire to Tahity whit a gazillion dollars.
April 14th, 2006 at 9:15 am
She is always welcome to stop by in Denmark and check out our kitchen
What is O.C.? I can guess it some kind of TV program, but what more? Is it about the life in tropical aquarium or about something else?
April 14th, 2006 at 11:54 am
hahahahah wow. i seriously just laughed out loud. what a great post..i think this is your finest work Ty. Dont forget that i actually went out and BOUGHT that stupid book with you in it. 32.95! thats some hard earned money right there. But it will forever more be our bible in this house. I cant wait for the OC again!
April 14th, 2006 at 2:59 pm
I’ve really been disappointed by the OC recently, i would say like the last 2 weeks have been really bad and i have really low expectations for the next weeks (mainly because you cant make much but shit from shit.) I think my favorite season so far has been the 2nd season, it had the best combonation of not sucking at life and being fun.
April 14th, 2006 at 5:10 pm
gasp! some sort of competition?!
December 22nd, 2006 at 3:12 pm
The only thing that puts me off about you is that manicure thing you do…I guess i’ll just have to accept it…But it still puts me off.
December 22nd, 2006 at 4:08 pm
AHA! Someone who likes to watch the O.C. too. *bows down*